Judge — September 13, 1913 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Question the question of the hour? alth says ‘“‘labor’s power,’’ What is 7 of wet Teprewer thinks ‘the price of hops, ker answers ‘‘state of crops,’’ bi prasewite says, with no m “The increase in the cost of living, “The Tango,’” declare moralists, Bat ‘Mexico, diplomatists. The earrency,”’ the kankers sigh, wtis Panama,’” the English cry. “The pennant race, "the bleachers boast, “The Jap,’’ says the Pacific coast. ‘The tariff,"” politicians roar, Bot Europe mutters ‘*Balkan War."’ These are the answers, short or long, But every single one is wrong. ‘This is the question of the day, Has the slit skirt come in to stay? —R. C. Reade. The Wrong Lady «D2? YOU mean to tell me, madam, that this boy is not yet five years old?” id the conductor to a woman with a boy by her side who looked as if be might be seven or eight years old. There was no hesitancy nor lack of di- rectness in the woman’s reply. With an apparent desire to have every person in the car hear her defense of a seeming charge against her truthfulness, she said, “I mean to tell you that very thing. and if I don’t know his age I'd be pleased toknow who does, seeing that I am his own mother; and if a mother hasn’t good reason to know the age of her own child, ill you have the goodness to tell me who does? _I guess I know what I am talking about, and if you think that I would tell tlie to save a little five-cent carfare, you have bumped up against the wrong hdy! Just because he is so large for his size doesn’t prove that he is older than be is, and if you knew as much about dildren as a car conductor should know, you would be aware of the fact that some children of five years are almost twice the size of other children of the same age! My husband’s cousin has a boy who lacks but three days and six hours of being the age of my boy, and my boy vould make two of him. We run to large size in my fam’ly, and all of my three brothers could have voted anywhere vhen they was sixteen, so far as looks were concerned, they was that machure; ud when you jump onto me right before ivhole car full of passengers, because I én't pay fare for a boy that won't be fre years old until the tenth day of next Ponth, you are jumping onto the wrong hdy, for I’m not a person to be buncoed tt of five cents rather than stand up for ny rights, even in so public a place as a treet car. I got a friend with a boy not Rt five years old who looks as if he night be six or seven, and she always mysfare for him, rather than have the tooductor ask her if he isn’t more than fve; but I ain’t built that way, as you Vill find out! I ain’t so hard up for five tents that I have to ‘ell or act a lie about The high point in tobacco making. Its wonderful Flavor and Fragrance will delight YOU TOO. Packed in the go Cent glass humi- dor and the handy 5 Cent tin. The glass humidor keeps its tobacco fresh indefinitely. The HALF SIZE 5 Cent tin holds just enough to keep fresh and perfect until it is smoked, For pipe and cigarette. EVER-LASTING-LY_GOOD it, but if 1 had all the wealth of the Rockyfellers and Astors and Carneggys in one, I wouldn’t put up a carfare for a child who wasn't five years old, because I'm one that ain’t afraid to stand up for her rights and— What's that? It’s all right? I guess it is, and mebbe it will learn you a lesson, and next time a lady has a child with her that looks above five years old, you'll be a little careful how you jump on her, as if she didn’t know how old her own child was. Nothing I like more than taking down a too-smart conductor, and the way I look at it, it’s benefiting the public when you stand up * for your rights and puts a too-smart con- ductor in his proper place. So, young man, if— I should think he would be glad to get out of the car and onto the platform! Struck the wrong lady this time!"’ —Max Merryman, “Light” Verse In a parlor there were three: A maid, a parlor-lamp and he. “Two are company without a doubt, And so the parlor lamp went out. I Should Worry Crabshaw—What explanation did that fellow give you who owes you all the money? Crawford—None at all. He acted as if he belonged to a Don’t Worry Club. In answering advertisements please menticn JUDGE, It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com