Judge, 1913-09-06 · page 17 of 24
Judge — September 6, 1913 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains several satirical pieces and advertisements: **"The Weather"** humorously defends small talk about weather as a necessary, harmless social lubricant—a topic nobody can blame you for since it's nobody's responsibility. **"A Marked Similarity"** is a joke comparing the mathematical improbability of a boy sitting in different positions during a long sermon to the thirteen-million-year calculation about dinner seating arrangements. **"The Merger of East and West"** is the main content: it references Kipling's poem to argue the telephone unites America's geographically and culturally divided regions. The accompanying Bell Telephone advertisement claims their 7.5 million phones connecting east/west and north/south create national unity and patriotism through 27 million daily connections. The cartoon illustrations (two men in conversation) visually represent this East-West connection theme. The page also includes an ad for "The Keeley Cure," a treatment for addiction—a common but now-notorious patent medicine of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Weather EWARE of those well-meaning but B over-progressive people who would deprive US of the weather as a topic of casual conversation. It is, to be sure, a sworn topic, and most of the re- cane one hears about it are bromidie to Bijigh degree and utterly lacking in cere time, if we are going to live together harmoniously, it is abso- Jotely necessary for the human race to have 9 harmless, uncontentious subject about which we may converse at a mo- ment’s notice. If we aren't going to use the weather for this purpose, what are we going to use? The weather is always vith us. Everybody knows about it, and yet nobody is responsible. If you meet aman and say, “It’s a nasty day,” you know absolutely that it isn’t his faalt and, therefore, that he is not going tobe offended. If you say, ‘It’s a nice day," he knows that you have had noth- ing to do with it and, therefore, that you are neither bragging nor trying to sell him stock in a weather-promotion com- pany. If you say you think it will be a fine day to-morrow, he knows you are not a propagandist, but merely a mild sort of optimist. Itis a good topic, because it can never be settled, while questions that can be settled must ultimately be laid aside in favor of something new. There is no asthoritative theory about the weather; therefore one may say what one pleases without a college diploma or a State license, . Let us talk about the weather. It won't hurt us a bit, and it won’t bother the weather. A Marked Similarity “If twelve persons were to agree to dine together every day, but never sit in exactly the same order around the table,’” didactically stated the professor, ‘‘it would take them thirteen million years, atthe rate of one dinner a day, and they vould have eaten more than four hundred and seventy-four million dinners, before they could get through all the possible arrangements in which they could place themselves, ’* “Yep!"" snarled Uncle Pepys. ‘That would be nearly as many ways as a small boy rearranges himself during a long sermon.'” Finishing Up Mr. Gibson—Haven’t you got that new dress planned yet? Mrs. Gibson—Nearly. I shall only tave to have one more talk about it. Mr. Gibson—I should think you would get tired of talking with that dressmaker. Mrs, Gibson—Oh, I'm through with ber; I'm all ready to consult the police now! In the “Ballad of East and West,” Kipling tells the story of an Indian border bandit Furuse to his hidin place in the hills by an Englis colonel’s son. These men were of different races and represented widely differ- ent ideas of life. But, as they came face to face, each found in the other elements of character which made them friends. In this country, before the days of the telephone, infrequent and in- | direct communication tended to keep the people of the various sections separated and apart. | The Merger of East and West “But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth, When two strong men stand face to face, tho’ they come from the ends of the earth!” —KIPLING. The telephone, by making com- munication quick and direct, has been a great cementing force. It has broken down the barriers of distance. It has made us a homogeneous people. The Bell System, with its 7,500,000 telephones connecting the east and the west, the north and the south makes one great neighborhood of the whole country. It brings us together 27,000,000 times a day, and thus develops our common interests, facilitates our com- mercial dealings and promotes the patriotism of the people. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES Universal Service One System only. For Liquor and Drug Users A scientific treatment which has cured half a million in the past thirty-three years, and the one treatment which has stood the severe test of time. tered by medical experts, at the Keeley Institutes For full particulars write To the Following Keeley Institutes: Adminis- a, Wie, Manitoba, City, Guatemala, Okla. SIGN. Stiles St Wauk in tS. Broad St ‘stue Pitth Ave, Mexiew. England In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be apprecimec. comicbooks.com