Judge — July 12, 1913 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Among the Shines that Star Whea “Fatty” Drew a Bobtail Flash By ED A, GOEWEY ELLO, Dave!’’ whooped Hank Ford, EV the niftiest stepper that ever shook aclog, a8 he dashed from the doorway of the Long Acre bailiwick of the booking agents and grasped the outstretched hand of one of a pair of ‘‘resting’’ Thespians, whose gladsome raiment testified that they were of that favored class whose letterheads proclaim them ‘‘swell dress- ers on and off the stage."” “Well, you old hoss!’’ responded Dave Belaro, the original bootblack comedian, genially, as he slapped the greeter on the chest with his disengaged glove teaser; “but it’s sure good to lamp your hand- some mug! Here, shake with Bill Thorn- ton, cutest little monologist that ever tossed the Joe Millers over the foot- lights."” “Glad to meet any friend of Dave’s,"’ said Hank, beaming a smile that resem- bled a quarter to three on the tower clock. ‘I think I've heard of yuh, Come from out around ‘Frisco, don’t yuh?"" “Correct, pal,”’ replied the third mem- ber of the party. ‘‘Used to be a bellhop at the Francis out there, but sort o’ got the knack o’ spielin’ yarns that made the drummers laugh, and, to make my tale as short as the handle on a Jack rabbit, gradually drifted into this game."* “Aw, he’s too modest!"’ broke in Dave, as he grasped the arms of his friends and steered them toward a life-saving station. “Why, this boy’s a whirlwind at slam- min’ the humor fur home-run drives. He's had everybody from the Rockies to the coast laughin’ the buttons off their vests fur the past two years. Invented that gag about married men not livin’ longer than single men—it only seems longer. In makin’ him hike East with me, I consider that I have qualified as the regular Christopher Columbus for 1913. Alittle of our Broadway dew will chase the alkali out o’ his pipes, and, once he turns loose his line 0’ gioom chasers along the Great White Way, there’ll be nuthin’ to it but his name in the glad lamps over the main doorways o’ the vaudeville pal- aces."* The conclusion of this burst of en- thusiastic praise landed the modern musketeers at a table within the swing- ing doors of the theatrical haven of rest. “How's the wife, Dave?’’ questioned the happy Hank, as he made a sign to the waiter that needed no Mason to in- terpret. “Never better,’’ was the reply. ‘‘We landed at the old camp on Fourteenth Street early this mornin’, and, after holdin’ me up for everything that clinked or looked green except one orphan five- spot, she chased me to look fur bookings. , Same old girl! She'd ’a’ made a great | the ordinary tin. Why did we do it? smoked, successor to Jesse James! But, say, be- fore I go any further gossipin’ about affairs in the prune and flapjack belt, let me tell you the true yarn about the mar- riage o’ ‘Fatty’ Jones to that wealthy widow out on the coast. ‘Fatty,’ as yuh remember, had a lot 0’ that kind o’ curly hair that looks all to the merry on a Third Avenoo barber; them deep, dark eyes like a Jersey cow, and an unap- proachable gift o’ gab. Well, he was hired to play the pretty-boy part in a Christmas girlie show, and this wealthy widow, who had a small army o’ grand- children, a couple o’ tons o’ mazuma, and enough real estate to start a new town, saw our robust friend at a matinee and In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. SOLVED the vexed problem 5 Because the 5 Cent tin holds just 0 fresh tobacco in a handy I IN enough tobacco to keep Pocket package. FRESH until it is You don't buy your tobacco cheaper. But you buy the RIGHT AMOUNT at a time. That simple idea has T was a new and startling ideato In pack an—80 CENT-tobacco ina The 5 Cent tin—just HALF the size of Handy ¢ Stag is something more than one of the world’s finest tobaccos. Its FRAGRANCE is the most delightful thing in the whole history of smoking. No other tobacco has it, or can have it. Asingle tin of Stag will show any smoker what he has been missing. Sold only in 5 Cent tins and 9> Cent pound glass humidor jars EVER-LASTING-LY GOOD fell fur those eyes and that hair. Rumor has it that she met the kid by the mash- note route, and in less than a month she'd proposed a trip down the main aisle, with orange blossoms and slow music on the side. Now, any wise guy ought to have rung three bells and backed water right then and there; but nix fur ‘Fatty.’ He looked clear over and past that antique till his eyes rested on the dough and the town lots, and, with visions of meat three times a day, no alarm clock and a taxi all fur himself, he fell fur the swan song of the perambulating mummy. “They were spliced all right, and dis- appeared on a honeymoon trip to see the big bath at Niagara, but were back in- comicbooks.com