Judge — July 5, 1913 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tailings ‘An Artist in Silence—J. Pierpont Mor- gan was always a silent man, and he wont sometimes champion the silent word John Bates, an upholsterer,’? so the story began, “‘was renowned for his sile People who had been his cust tomers for a generation had, many of them, never heard a word from him ex- cept‘Good-morning. Fivedollars. Thank you. Good-day.’ Old John, in fact, cul- tivated si ago genius cultivates his rt. “A patron one day said to John, «*What’s the best kind of mattress?’ «+Hair,’ was the reply. “The patron, some twenty years later, had occasion to buy another mattress, and again he asked, “*What’s the best kind, John?’ ‘Cotton." ‘Cotton!’ the patron cried. ‘Why, you told me twenty years ago that hair. was the best!” “The old man gave a quaint sigh. ““Talking has always been my ruin,’ he said.""—Exchange. Was So Considerate—The only unoccu- pied room in the hotel—one with a p vate bath, in connection with it—was given to the stranger from Kansas. The next morning the clerk was approached by the guest when the latter was ready to check out. “Well, did you have a good night's rest?” the clerk asked. “No, I didn't,’’ replied the Kansan, “The room was all right, and the bed was pretty good; but I couldn't sleep very much, for I was afraid some one would want to take a bath, and the only door to it was through my room.’’—Pittsburg!/: Chronicle-Telegrap'. Knew His Own Value—A farmer, in great need of extra hands at haying time, finally asked Si Warren, who was ac- counted the town fool, if he could help him out. x “What'll ye pay?" asked Si. “T'll pay what you're worth,” an- swered the farmer. Si scratched h ees a minute, then unced decisively, Il be darned it I'll work for that!"’ erybody’s Magazine. Homespun Homilies Gabe Toots sez: I say dad blame the home where each morning breakfast time is like going through a sad ceremony. About the funniest thing in the world is that we get our inspirations from the fellers loafing around watching the flow- ers grow, hearing the birdies sing and setting the babbling brooks to music. Somehow, stylish husbands ain't just what you'd call the best brand of hus- bands, The world is divided between them as can do it in one chance and them as wants acouple o’ chances. About the only title the horse doctor gets is just plain ‘*Doc.’’ According to the records, about eight Percent. of the couples getting married ought to have fussed and drifted apart in the courtship.—St. Louis Republic. 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