Judge — July 5, 1913 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

With The College Wits A Summer Accident Asteam roller rolled on a stray canine, And flattened him east and west; He hadn’t a chance to utter a whine, But his pants, no doubt, were pressed. —Cornell Widow, “an Around, All Around’’—‘‘Sure sign spring is here.”” “How so?” “Jones is paying attention to a grass widow. "’—Minnesota Minne-Ha-Ha. AGreat Difference—1914—I've promised to teach a girl how to swim. How shall Ido it? 1913—Lucky boy! First you— By the way, who's the dame? 1914—My sister. 1913 (losing all interest)—Oh, your sis- ter? You just throw her overboard.— Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. Can't? Sha'n’t! Plant! —Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. Wrong Department—Jones (six times divorced)—Can you arrange these mar- riage certificates in some sort of frame for me? Bright clerk—I guess you've come to the wrong department. You wanta tie rack.—Cornell Widow, Theatrical The usual lady from Niger Took the usual ride on a tiger; But, take it from me, Before starting out, she Had provided herself with a revolver, ex- ercised other precautions, and sold out all the seats for the performance.—Wil- liams Purple Cow. Realism —‘‘Did you get a good part in the dramat. movies?” “Fine! There was real beer in the third act !""— Yale Record. Without a Full House—Hi—So you saw ber only once during vacation? Playing toa one-night stand, eh? ‘Yep; but I’m booked for a return engagement.— Dartmouth Jack o' Lantern, Tales Told—Guimpe—Why is Ella such & popular girl? Chemise—Because she keeps them all in the dark.— Dartmouth Jack o’ Lantern. Beware! “Beware the microbe in the kiss!" Cold-hearted science cries. Alas! Where ignorance is bliss, "Tis folly to be wise. —Vermont Crabbe. Read the following opinion of a scien- QM tist, an authority who has experi- mented and therefore knows that “light starts decay even in pure beer.” “We have tested beers repeatedly, placing the bottles in the direct sun- light, and testing the same after one, two, three and five minutes exposure found that the beer with three and five minutes exposure became undrinkable on account of the peculiar odor developed. The detrimental effect of light upon beer can be successfully counter- acted by the employment of brown or dark colored glass bottles, and such bottles are, therefore, recommendable.” —Wahl-Henius Institute of Fermentology. “The Schlitz Brown Bottle is only another step for absolute purity in Schlitz beer. We have adopted every invention, every innovation, every idea that could make for purity. Schlitz was first brewed in e a hut. Today our agencies dot the earth. Our output exceeds a million barrels a year. See that crown or cork T is branded ‘‘Schlitz."” e Beer Bottles That Made Milwaukee Famous. 1,000 Island House ALEXANDRIA BAY New York Jefferson County IN THE HEART OF THE THOUSAND ISLANDS em civilization are added in the 1,000 Island House. No hotel of the Metropolis provides greater living facilities or such luxurious comfort—real HOME comfort—as does this palatial Summer retreat. An amusement for every hour, or quiet, complete rest, is the choice of every guest. All Drinking Water Used in the House is Filtered Send two 2-cent stamps for Illustrated Booklet. I: the most enchanting spot in all America, where nature's charms are rarest, all the delights of mod- O. G. STAPLES, Proprietor WILLIAM H. WARBURTON, Mgr. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com