Judge — June 21, 1913 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Commercial Shortcake THE SHORTCAKE that is such a fake We see again displayed— The kind that mother did not make, And grandma never made. The kind unknown to boyhood’s dream, Whose praise no bard ere sang, With gelatine-bestiffened cream And white-of-egg meringue. Across its top six berries red, Placed neatly in a row, Are resting calmly on a bed Of sponge cake, dry, below. It surely is a work of art, This dish of sweetened foam, But never will the traveler's heart Cry out, ‘‘That’s just like home! An Impenetrable Mystery «eC—QNE mystery that I a unable to fathom, ruminatingly remarked Stanley Livingston Mutshaw, the ama- teur philosopher, ‘tis why a man with flinty eyes, a dyed mustache and an apocryphal dia- mond on the bosom of his fire- alarm shirt invariably addresses me as ‘Friend,’ or a person suf- ficiently ill-favored for his face to drive an ant-eater off from its nest in the middle of a cold night persists in saluting me as ‘Brother,’ and a red-nosed, mal- odorous wretch will go out of his wabbling way to hail me as ‘Pal,’ when clean, honorable busi- ness men, of the sort from whom anybody might be proud to bor- row fifty dollars, claim no special intimacy with me, but content themselves with addressing me as ‘Mr. Mutshaw.’ What is the mat- ter with me, anyhow?"" Reverie of a Bachelor One sweetly solemn thought 1 bless, with soul serene. I'm safe from leap-year accidents Until Nineteen Sixteen! Egg View Note Ambrose Crosslots says: ‘‘If a feller could back up a statement as easy as he could a balky horse, | folks would b'lieve more stuff."” A. D. 1925 “Why did she ing the nomination?” “They told her, if elected, she would become a member of the Common Coun- cil, and you know how particular she is. draw after receiv- Warning “Strange, the murder of that Cubist artist!’’ “Yes, - What was the cause of it?’’ “He painted the portrait of an intel- lectual person and made him look like a One Thing Lacking “Can you tell me how to secure a husband, Mrs. Worldlywise?”* “Why, you've got a husband, my dear!"" “True; but I haven’t got him secured.” Youthful Philosophy Five-year-old— everything and every- thing in its place,” but she keeps her hair on the bureau! says ‘‘a place for Aman who frequent- ly falls off the water- wagon is apt to get POOR OLD FATHER Geraldine—Mother, I think I'll slip on my rain coat and run over to the postoffice for the mail. Mother—Why, my dear, it isn’t fit for a dog to be out. Let your father go. L'Envoi of the Cubists WHEN the last Impression is posted and the tubes are twisted and pinched, When the youngest Cubist is throttled and the oldest Futurist lynched, We shall rest, and, gee! we shall need it —come off for a minute or two, Till the masters of all this rubbish shall set us agog anew. Then those that were Cubists shall worry; the: all sit on a picket fence And paint with a vacuum cleaner on the sides of canvas tents. They shall have real models to draw from —a nude in a crazy quilt, Or a maudlin, rhomboid Scotchman, de- scending the stairs in his kilt. And only Picasso shall praise them, and only Matisse shall blame; And no one shall care for censure, and no one shall care for shame. But each in his ownstraitjacket and each in his separate cell Shall slather the paint as he sees it, for the glory of Art that won’t jell. —Carelyn Wells. soused. blockhead,"’ THE SLITS THAT MADE LEG-+WALKEE FAMOUS comicbooks.com