Judge, 1913-06-07 · page 10 of 24
Judge — June 7, 1913 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine presents satirical commentary on marriage from the early 20th century. The central illustration shows a crowd gathered around what appears to be a wedding or social gathering—the title "FREAKS" suggests these are unusual matrimonial situations. The main article, "What Every Bride Should Know" by Terrell Love Holliday, uses sardonic wit to critique marriage expectations. It mocks romantic ideals ("the tie that binds is a slip knot"), warns that marriages are treated as financial speculation, and satirizes gender dynamics—suggesting husbands grow "restless," wives nag, and divorce is financially motivated for women. The accompanying shorter pieces ("The Duplicates," "The Happy Bride," "The Cheat") continue the cynical theme: newlyweds accumulate household goods; remarried women realize their first marriages were preferable; and romantic love is portrayed as a con game. The satire targets both genders but particularly mocks Victorian marriage mythology, suggesting matrimony is ultimately disappointing, transactional, and based on mutual deception rather than genuine affection.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
We TM What Every Bride Should Know By TERRELL LOVE HOLLIDAY T° OFTEN the tie that binds isa slip knot. Clothes sometimes help to make a match. They frequently break one. When a girl has the nightmare and falls out of bed, she gets up sheepishly and crawls back in again. When a woman falls out of a marital folding bed, the bed closes up. The bonds of matrimony are coming to be regarded as a speculative investment. However, if gilt-edged, they sell readily. Be consistent. When a_henpecke man’s wife allows him to do something he wishes, he has a horrible suspicion that she no longer loves him. Intensive farming should be confined to your land—a husband can easily be overworked. When your husband grows restless and, in effect, advertises for an affinity, try being a different woman for a while. You may be able to land the job yourself. A couple may truly be called well matched when the world cannot tell which got stung the worse. If married women didn’t tell tales out of school, the maid would never suspect that the marital bed was not a bed of roses. The woman who marries for a living frequently has to be divorced to get it. Rearing half a dozen children is a trifling task beside that of remodeling a husband so you can live with him. Being jilted is a big disappointment to agirl. Being married is a series of lit- tle disappointments. The lovelight which a woman sees shin- ing in her husband’s eyes is often noth- ing but the reflection of her own. The best husband is not the richest one, but the one with the most liberal disposition. Don’t try to make your husband jealous —you might fail. How to treat a husband is a perplexing problem. Give him loving care always, and he will come to accept it as a matter of course. If your devotion is spasmodic, he will suspect you of harboring ulterior motives, About all you can do is to change partners often enough to keep them interested and appreciative. When matrimony palls, marry a trav- eling man. The Duplicates THE first contains two growing plants; The second holds her pickles; The third, her letters; fourth, perchance, Odd pencils, dimes and nickels; The fifth, potatoes yet unpeeled; The sixth contains some chowder; Within the seventh lie, concealed, Some cold cream and some powder. “Why, what receptacles are these,’ You ask, ‘‘with use so varied?” Just cut-glass dishes, if you please, For she was lately married. Grace McKinstry The Happy Bride “Has your daughter’s second marriage turned out happily, Dobby?” queried Hawkins, “*Why—yes, in a way,’’ said Dobbs. “Mabel sees now how happy she was with her first husband.’’ The Cheat 'Tis said that life is but a game of cards. If this be true, then Cupid has the knack Of catching all his victims off their guards And dealing from the bottom of the pack. comicbooks.com