Judge, 1913-05-31 · page 9 of 24
Judge — May 31, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"An Early Model" cartoon** (top): Shows early automobiles at a race or gathering. The caption jokes that "Mary's car must once have been a motor boat"—likely mocking the primitive, boat-like appearance of early motorcars, perhaps suggesting one looks so poorly designed it belongs in water rather than on roads. **"Mary and the Elephant"**: A child visiting the zoo observes an elephant's large, worn appearance and asks why they don't "give him away," explaining that her mother discards old, worn, moth-eaten things. It's gentle humor about a child's innocent logic applied to zoo animals. **"Got Him Going"** and **"The Jap"** passages: Brief philosophical quips about life's difficulties and a dismissive comment about Japanese people being "too sensitive" for cosmopolitan society—reflecting casual period prejudice. **Bottom sections**: Miscellaneous short humorous dialogues about candy freshness and romantic ultimatums—typical light magazine filler humor. The page is primarily light domestic and observational humor rather than hard political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Mary's car must once have been a motor boat. have their ostentatious cod-liver oil— Peruna’s good enough for me.” “If it were put to a vote to-morrow whether a millionaire should be permitted to leave his money to the degenerate stepson of his divorced wife’s father-in-law or to establish a municipal free-lunch counter in every city of the third class in the Union, the vote in favor of the free-lunch counter would be ten to one.’’ And, finally, a noble professional renunciation: “I would rather be a humble lawyer on five hundred dollars a year in real money than leading counsel in the pay of one of Maria—I don't know what to do with that chick of ours. He is perfectly incorrigible. Mr. Chanticler—Yes, yes, Ma affair, that bad egg hatching out. It's a sad EARLY these four-hundred-million-dollar mining corporations without a cent in the bank!’ His handling of the gavel as presiding officer of the Senate has been so tech- nically skillful that. on three different occasions the Carpenters’ Union of the District of Columbia has demanded to see his union card, and a great spiritual ben- efit of his election to the vice-presidency has been the increased fervor with which thinking men are now praying for the continued health of the President of the United States. Address Tom-Tom, Vice- President's Room, The Capitol, R. F. D., Washington. Mary and the Elephant Mary was visiting the zoo for the first time. After long and serious study of the broad side of an elephant, she said to the keeper, “*Why don’t you give him away?” “Why ?'’ inquired the ma: “‘Because,’’ answered Mary, ‘‘mother always gives away things when they get old and worn and moth-eaten.’” Got Him Going This life is tough, beyond a doubt, And full of interferences. The fellow has his work cut out Who's keeping up appearances. The Jap, all things considered, seems to be altogether too sensitive and exclu- sive to become a cosmopolitan. MODEL It obviously dates back to the flood.” SHE WAS Claude—Are these candies fresh ? Claudia—I'm sure I don't know. said anything to me. Overheard Miss Ouldgirl—Now, if I should find a man under my bed, I'd simply tell him to marry me or I'd shoot. Miss Petite—Then you would simply be arrested for murder. They ain't Revised by a Parvenve'” sadw , 2 Sabik ot Children rush in where climbers fear to tread. comicbooks.com