Judge, 1913-05-17 · page 12 of 24
Judge — May 17, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces mocking early 20th-century social conventions: **"Your First Trip Over"** satirizes well-meaning relatives overwhelming travelers with contradictory, outdated advice. Aunt Jane warns against Rome's summer heat; Aunt Minerva insists on thick flannels and warns against wine (despite it being standard in Mediterranean countries). The joke: travelers are "loaded with knowledge and baggage enough to need a whole steamer alone." **"Getting Down to Facts"** depicts a reporter interviewing someone about their summer vacation. The reporter asks increasingly pointed questions about the boarding house's condition, amenities, and costs, trying to determine if the person is lying about getting quality accommodations cheaply. The punchline reveals the person simply stayed home—undermining the entire interview. **"Cornered"** is a brief joke: when a man announces his remarriage, his friend sarcastically notes he claimed to always profit from mistakes—implying his first marriage was one. **"A Needed Invention"** notes that umbrella wire frames don't accommodate current hat styles, suggesting practical design lag behind fashion trends.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
\ PRIVATE OFFICE PUBLIC OFFICIAL in THE MODERN REPORTER Your First Trip Over oO YOUR first trip abroad! your friends all combine To counsel you, ere you leave home! Aunt Jane (who went over in 79) Says, ‘Don’t go in summer to Rome! It’s very un- healthy!" And then she ex- plains That, if one must travel that way, The risk is much lessened if one quite abstains From water, all during one’s stay. This shocks Aunt Minerva, who says, “But "twould pain Your friends, if you drank any wine! I'm told that in Italy, France and in Spain That's what people drink when they dine. And do wear thick flannels! The sun may be hot, But erypts and cathedrals are chilly. “I"; give you some boarding addresses I got When I went with Aunt Jane,” offers Milly. And some lend you satchels and guide books and stuff For seasickness (surest thing known!). You are loaded with knowledge and bag- gage enough To need a whole steamer alone. Grace McKinstry. How Getting Down to Facts ‘ «WHERE are you going to spend the summer?"’ “Same place as last year, I think.’’ “Pretty good place, eh?” “Fine!” “*Have clean rooms?”’ “Yes.” “Plenty to eat?” “All I could get away with.” “Many other boarders?” “Not any; adecidedly exclusive place.'? “Chickens or pigs or such bother you?"’ “Didn't notice ’em.’" “Huh! Must ’a’ been swell! Any mosquitoes?” “*Well, one or two, maybe; but not many.’” “Were you near the water?” “Yes, Near water, links, tennis courts; everything handy.”’ “Must ’a’ cost a pile.”” “No more’n it cost me in town in winter.”” “Get fresh fruits?’’ “Every day.” “Any scraps with farmers?” “Didn't have one.’’ “Charge you for things you did- n'tget?”” “Not when I was looking.’’ “‘Well—you didn’t tell me where you spent last summer.”’ “Why, I stayed home.’’—a, w. vu. Cornered Crawford—Congratulations, old man! I'm going to be married again. Crabshaw—Why, I thought you once told me that you always profited by your mistakes. A NEEDED INVENTION Will umbrella makers adapt their w’ res to prevailing bat styles? comicbooks.com