Judge, 1913-05-10 · page 12 of 24
Judge — May 10, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces of satire from Judge magazine: **"He Didn't Go On"** mocks the nagging wife stereotype. Mr. Billikens attempts to tell an amusing anecdote at breakfast, but his wife Mrs. Billikens interrupts with an exhausting list of domestic complaints—flour shortages, furnace gas danger, lost rubbers, unpaid servants, roof leaks—before finally inviting him to continue his story. The satire targets both the "long-suffering husband" trope and, implicitly, wives' domestic burdens and anxieties. **"In the Cyclone Belt"** is a brief joke about a schoolboy (Willie Wimble) watching a tornado approach outside the classroom window, unable to obey his teacher's order to stop looking because the natural disaster won't cooperate. **"Cupid's Catechism"** satirizes workplace sexual dynamics and female ambition. It presents a stenographer who uses cosmetics and flirtation strategically with her boss—prioritizing romantic manipulation over professional skill as a path to advantage. All three pieces reflect early-20th-century gender anxieties and working-class tensions.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
He Didn't Go On “ee H4? SOME mighty good stories told at our smoke talk at the club last night,"? said Billi- kens across the breakfast table to his wife, as she handed him hia sec- ond cup of coffee. “One of them will tickle you and the ki dies. It was about a man who had Wait a moment, William,’’ said Mrs. Billikens. ‘I want to speak of one or two things before you go downtown, and I fear I will forget them if I do not speak of them now. You can tell your story afterward, and I am sure we will all be glad to hear it. I wanted to tell you, dear, that Jane has struck bottom in the flour barrel and there will not be enough for another baking unless you order some to-day. Please don’t forget it, dear, for Ihate to use baker's bread, and we will have to if you furget to order the flour to-day. Then I am confident that there is furnace gas escaping from some source, and I think that you had better make a note to have some one come up and look at the furnace, for you know how un- healthy furnace gas is. I have read that it is a deadly poison to some people, and I shall always think that it was furnace gas that caused Louie's dreadful sore @) throat last winter, and we don’t want an- other repetition of that experience. Then Joey lost one of his rubbers coming home from school last night, and you'd better leave me some money to get him another pair with this morning, for you know how badly it affects him to get his feet wet, and the child can’t go to school wearing only one rubber, for the other boys would laugh at him, and you know how sensitive he is, and— Oh, yes! I knew there was something else! The iceman asked for his money when he was here on Tuesday, and this is his day to bring ice again, and I told him I would have you leave the money for him. It’s six dollars and ninety cents, and I just don’t believe that he keeps the score card right. Sister Belle told me that she was perfectly sure that her iceman sometimes put down forty cents when he had left only twenty cents’ worth of ice, and then pocketed the difference. I believe that— Remember that you are to call and see some roofer and tell him about that leak in the roof. It leaks through every time it rains, and I suppose that it will cost a nice sum to have the roof repaired; but we ‘can’t let it go on that way, and— While I think of it, I must tell you that Jane wants all of her money we owe her to-day, for she has to pay a dressmaker and her dentist. It’s eighteen dollars in all, for it is three weeks to-day since we paid her. Now go on with your funny story, dear.’* —Morrts Wade IN THE CYCLONE BELT Teacher (catching a culprit looking out of the window) —Willie Wimble, you stop that Willie (watching tornado approaching) —I 'll try, if it comes this way. OST RN a Cupid's Catechism For the Pretty Stenographer Q. Why do you get out your powder rag whenever the boss approaches? Do you take dictation with your powder rag? A. No; but with my powder rag I can dictate to my dictator. Q. Do you consider that in line with your duty as a paid employe? A. Yes—when the boss is rich and free and susceptible to feminine charms. Q. Does he care nothing about your skill in shorthand and typewriting? A. Nothing whate You see, I'm alive to my opportunities—for instance, when the boss imagines he wants to dictate some letters. Q. Doesn't the boss really want to dictate some letters? A. No; not if I'll let him hold my hand. Q. Here comes the boss. Are you going to let him hold your hand? A. That depends upon you, Mr. Cupid. In the meantime, excuse me while I powder my nose. Q. You mean you won't let him hold your hand until I have successfully performed upon his heart a certain operation for which I am deservedly famous? A. Good old Cupid! At lust you're ont! Q. Are you a capable stenogra- pher? A. Rotten! Iam about the worst ever! Q. It is quite evident that some- thing must be done for you. Do you love this old man? A. Sure, Mike—if he loves me! Q. (Zing, zip!) Now, do you prom- ise to give up this job to a capable, plain girl who needs it? A. Don’t you worry—I'll see she’s plain! Curtis Dunham. comicbooks.com