Judge — May 3, 1913 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Obsolete . THE WORDS that set my thoughts awhirl— I know you'll think me foolish, very!"’ Remarked a fascinating girl, “Are those in Love’s vocabulary. “Thus, ‘lover,’ ‘swain,’ And ‘ardent,’ ‘eager,’ ‘warm’ and ‘ten- der, To ‘love’ and ‘courtship’ are germane, And happy thoughts they must en- gender. ‘suitor,’ ‘sweetheart,’ “But strange it seems, I must confess, While other love terms high are rated, That ‘wedlock’ is used less and less, And is, in fact, quite antiquated.” “Oh,” said a cynic, “tis quite plain Why ‘wedlock’ is unused and dusty. That lock is picked time and again, Because its mechanism’s rusty.”” J. A, Wo There is so much trouble floating about that it isn’t worth while to predict it. Yearning for City Life HORTLY before last Christmas an old woman took’ up her station in front of one of the principal buildings on Main Street, Kansas City, Mo., for the purpose of selling a few cheap toys. Among those that she displayed were those familiar little marionettes that are made to leap about and do other acrobatic stunts, upon a dark cloth laid upon the ground, by means of an almost invisible black string, extending from them to the hand of the operator, and kept concealed behind the back, that the movements of the fingers may not be seen. While the peddler was putting the manikins through their paces one after- noon, a couple of big, husky farmers, who had come to town to do their holiday shopping, strolled along, and, seeing the leaping figures, paused in open-mouthed amazement. After atime they compre- hended how the trick was done and then they laughed heart For twenty min- utes the pair stood and enjoyed the free show, and then one turned to the other and exclaimed, ‘‘Gee! but I'd certainly like to live in Kansas City! There’s sure something going on here every minute!"’ Breaking It Gently Maid—Thieves got into a house in this street last night and stole all the silver. Mistress—What stupid people to leave things unlocked! Whose house was it? Maid—It was number seven. Mistress—Why, that is our house! Maid—Yes, ma'am, but I did not want to frighten you. DANCING ELSEWHERE Bo Heme—I suppose you found your visit to Russia very interesting. Cosmopolite—The absence of Russian dancers. What did you notice specially ? Cupid's Catechism For the Bachelor of Fifty Q. Did you ring, sir? A. Yes. Look here, Cupid, you'll have to sharpen up your arrows a bit—the little girl turns up her nose at me. Q. Really? Let’s see—what’s her num- ber? A. About the sixth or seventh in five years, since I made up my mind to quit the gay life and settle down. I must say, Cupid, as the God of Love you--— Q. Well, well! But perhaps the moon was shining when you asked her. Why didn't you wait for a dark night? A. I went to her like an honest man, in broad daylight—— Q. What! With your bald pate, your | gold teeth, your mottled cheeks and your wrinked claws? Surely you wore a wig and a mask, and kept your hands in your pockets? A. I made no attempt to deceive the girl about my age. Q. And you fifty, with lagging feet and a withered heart, while she is bloom- ing and twenty? A. Alla bit brutal, but true. Q. What would she gain by binding her glowing beauty to a cadaver? A. Oh, I say, Cupid —— Q. You don’t need a mate, anyway. What you need is a nurse. Here’s Mrs. Maloney with your laundry--a buxom widow, with a warm heart and a motherly way with her. She'll jump at you. Can you be a philosopher? A. Perhaps you're iight. fire when ready, Gridley! Q. (Zing, zip!) Will do? A. Exe well, Cupid! You may Mrs. Maloney Thanks—and fare- Curtis Dunham. ntly. comicbooks.com