Judge, 1913-04-12 · page 6 of 24
Judge — April 12, 1913 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three unrelated satirical pieces typical of early-20th-century humor magazines: **"Cupid's Catechism"** mocks a 40-year-old unmarried woman's romantic dilemma. The joke: she refuses a 19-year-old suitor because society would judge her as a "cradle snatcher," yet she's desperate for love. Cupid's arrow eventually wins out, satirizing women's constrained choices and social hypocrisy about age and marriage. **"The Knight and the Lady"** ridicules suburban pretension—a couple tries to seem witty about their suburban status, but the woman ruins the moment by needing to write down her joke's punchline, killing the romance. It mocks both suburban affectation and female intellectual awkwardness. **The remaining jokes** include a doctor admitting he can't cure bronchitis because he's had it 20 years himself (mocking medical incompetence), and a couple comparing spouses' gifts—diamond necklace versus black eye—a dark joke about domestic violence presented as comedic. The musical notation section offers a "story without words," typical of Judge's varied content format.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TRAGEDY IN BASEBALL Copid’s Catechism The Knight and the Lady For the Spinster of Forty HEY lived in the suburbs and were not ashamed. Q. This won't do at all. What is your heart made of, ‘Ab,’ he said, meeting her for the first time, “‘are you anyway? a suburbanite?” ‘A. Alas! Iam forty—and still a spinster. No," she replied. ‘I am a suburban lady. You are a Q. Tush! Atheart Suburban knight."” a chinster is never It might have turned out happily, but when she had to write more than twenty, it out so he could see the point of her witticism, she nipped the Don’t you want to Tomance in the bud. love? Fatal Admission A. Oh, I long to love! But I dare not. Q. Dare not love? Oh, Jupiter! A. Men who are my age prefer chits of eighteen, Q. Who said any- thing about loving a . manne your nee? Not Meaning To Knock Behold the eager Miss Cutting—So sorry I couldn’t see you when you called, youth who holds the but I was just having my hair washed. skein: you are:wind- Miss Sharpe—And the laundries are so provokingly slow ing! See how his about returning things! eyes devour you! Must you let his bumping heart burst A man who had been troubled with bronchitis for a long time called on a rather noted doctor. After a few questions, the doctor told him he had a very common ailment that would ily yield to treatment. “You're so sure you can cure my bronchitis,"’ said the man, “you must have had great experience with it.'" “Why, my deat. sir,’’ confided the doctor, ‘I’ve had it my- self for over twenty years!'" his ribs asunder? A. Please, please, dear Cupid! William is not yet nineteen. Q. Which means you catch him fresh, untutored, unspoiled, enraptured with matured charms, possessing youth enough for both. Is not William as wax in your hands? A. Oh, oh! People would say I had taken a boy to raise. Q. Do you deny that you could love this palpitating youth? A. Have pity! They would call me a child stealer, a cradle snatcher! Ah, Cupid, torture me no more! Q. When once you've let yourself love, do you think you'll care what people say? (Zing, zip!) Aha! That arrow’s found its mark! Do you love William? A. Oh, Cupid! Oh, William! Thanks, Cupid! I'm—I'm Bo grateful! Curtis Dunham. Gifts ‘They both had sections of the paper. “‘Here’s a New York man gives his wife a diamond said she. ‘Nothing like that ever happens to me.’” said he, ‘‘here’s a Chicago man gives his wife a black eye. Nothing like that ever happens to you, either, my dear."” : ervey Peare — A MUSICAL STORY WITHOUT WORDS comicbooks.com