Judge, 1913-02-22 · page 11 of 24
Judge — February 22, 1913 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects brief humorous pieces and satirical vignettes typical of Judge magazine's format. **"Seeking Foreign Aid"** (top cartoon): A street scene showing someone instructing "Jimmy" to fetch a "Japanese book on gee-you-jitsoo" (jiu-jitsu) to use on another person. The satire mocks Americans' fascination with Japanese martial arts as a novelty—treating fighting techniques as exotic foreign imports rather than serious discipline. **"The Theorist"**: A poem mocking Bill Jingle, an intellectual who theorizes endlessly about everything from foreign policy to dog-docking but accomplishes nothing. The satire targets armchair philosophers who talk without taking practical action. **Other pieces**: "The Stork's Mistake" jokes about baby delivery mishaps; "Found in Ancient Ruins" humorously compares biblical weaponry (Samson's jawbone) to modern guns; various quips satirize fashion trends, over-credentialed professors, and romantic behavior. The overall tone reflects early 20th-century American humor: gentle mockery of pretension, social awkwardness, and contemporary fads.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Theorist. ILL JINGLE had ideas enough To make a book ten inches thick. He could just sit and think up stuff That made his simple neighbors sick. He'd theorize for hours and hours On every question that came up, From doings of the foreign Powers To how to dock a brindle pup. When others plowed or put in crops, He'd just go down to Pringle’s store And look right wise and wag his chops For half a day, and sometimes more. It was agreed on every hand That on most things he had a hunch, But no one seemed to understand Just why Bill Jingle lacked the-punch. J. A. Waldrea, Explained. “*Why do you suppose he has such a vacant expression?”’ “Well, he thinks of himself a good deal.’” SEEKING FOREIGN AID. “« Jimmy, run over to de house an’ get my Japanese book on gee-you-jitsoo. There 's sumpin I forgot to do to him." The Stork’s Mistake. “Oh, mother!’’ burst out five-year-old Mildred excitedly. ‘*There’s a new baby been left over at the Joneses! But don’t you think the stork meant it for Miss Jackson what boards there? ‘Cause Mrs. Jones has already got five children, and Miss Jackson hasn't got a single one!’” Found in the Ancient Ruins of the Wrecked Temple. [Fragment of Samson's song, commemorating his slaying of the thousaad men with the jawbone of the ass. “IT don’t believe I could have done Much better with a Gatling gun."” Answered. “I'm about to give an opera What boxes should I take?”’ “Any, except chatterboxes.’” To Whom It May Concern. Ambrose Crosslots says: ‘Ev'ry once in awhile the eyes of the law need specs.”” party. Fashion. THE skirts have been so very tight, But now they're wide again; And goodness knows what next we'll have To interest the men! What the Small Bell Was For. Master (to new servant)—Why do you always ring that small bell after ringing the regular dinner bell? New servant—That's to call the chil- ders, sor. Over-capitalized. Post—Professor Talkem has ten letters after his name, but he doesn’t know enough to go in when it rains. Parker—Another distressing case of over-capitalization. Kind-hearted. What! Scold because I stole a kiss! What nonsense do I hear? I’m sure I wouldn’t mind a bit If you kissed me, my dear! comicbooks.com