Judge — February 15, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Useless « Gineration.” 6s\JO, SIR; by heck, you take this gineration an’ compare it to the ginera- tion we come into this world with, Cy, an’ it don’t jount to much—no, it don’t!"” Uncle Ab Clovertop deliv- ered this philippie with em- phasis as he drew rein for a little talk with Uncle Cy Dodd when they met on the “big road.’” “I dunno but you are right, Ab,’? agreed Uncle Cy. “I know I am right, Cy. You take it when you an’ me was fust married. My wife didn’t think nothin’ 0’ makin’ all the butter from eighteen cows an’ doin’ all the pig work when we butchered ten or a dozen pigs. She'd pull out at about three-thutty in the mornin’ the year through, His Great Love. “ Y sweetheart’s love, its depth and strength, I measure by his letters’ length,’” Confided little Dolly Gra: “‘Well,’’ murmured Bess, ‘‘I can but say, Without the least intent to boast, Jack’s letters come by parcel post.’” Qualified. “Our new dining-room girl is going to leave us to become a classic d1ncer.”” “Ig that so? Has she any qualifica- tions?” “Yes; she’s the one that brought the salad in undressed.’" No Team Work, Barker—I wonder why Jarrocks and his wife are always at war with each other? Parker—Lays it to the fact that he runs his house like the-city government —formed a board of estimate and control, and made the initial mistake of choosing the estimating as his part of the com- bination. Egg View Note. Ambrose Crosslots says: ‘‘Don’t git too thick with the feller whose wife is always runnin’ across the street with an empty dish in her hand.’* Her Status. iss Lingerlong ought to be an easy catch for some one.'" “Easy catch? Why, she has been a regular epidemic for the past ten years!"’ an’ keep right at it until ten at night, tryin’ to be a real helpmeet to a man; an’ see how it is in this gineration. I was over to my son’s yesterday, an’ if his wife ain't fussin’ for a girl, because she’s got ten summer boarders! An’ them an’ her four childern an’ two hired men an’ my son don’t make but eighteen in fam’ly, countin’ herself. My son is sellin’ milk now, so she ain’t no butter to make, an’ only fourteen or to sixteen'milk cans a day to wash, the garden to take keer of, with now an’ then the tedder to run a few hours when my son is rushed with his hayin’, An’ her fussin’ for a girl to help her! Wher you an’ me was married, our wives wouldof done all that an’ helped with the barn chores forexercise. Idunno what the next gineration will be like, the way this gineration is go- in’, by’heck!"” “TI reckon you are right,’” said Uncle Cy Dodd, as he gath- ered up his reins to ‘‘mosey along.’” The Summit. “I've a-a-abandoned I-liter- ary work,’’ said Simpkins. “Why?” asked Dawkins. “Your typewriter didn’t get to stammering, too, did it?’’ “*N-no,’’ replied the stutter- er-hopelessly; ‘*b-b-but evenif I g-g-grew t-to be f-f-famous, I c-c-could n-never go on the Chautauqua p-platform.”” Extra Cautious. «6 ] UNDERSTAND,” impatiently said the ad. clerk in the newspaper of- fice, as the determined-looking colored woman finished her — philippic concerning a certain person, ‘‘you wish to advertise that you will not be responsible {) for any debts contracted by your husband, Erastus Snow?” “‘Dat's it, mistah,”’ said the woman; “‘on'y jest add marriages, too!’’ Abysmal. FLOWER among the maidens, She came within the car; Her face unmatched for beauty, A figure more than par. I sat, her charméd victim; ‘he wildest hope had dawned— Alas for wiles of Cupid! Just then the maiden yawned. Hubert Ksiterman. Detrimental Suggestiveness. “I see you have disposed of, that fine horse you bought from the city.’’ “Yes,’’ replied the regretful milkman; “the hurt my business. He had been used for pulling a sprinkling cart, and stopped at every hydrant.’’ Data Desired. Mr, Baggy—If a cullud man was to call yo’ aliah, sah, what would yo’ do?_ Mr. Slack—What size cullud msn, sah? Unsocial. Todd—Married yet? Dodd—No; still Dutch treating. MISTAKEN IDENTITY. “What is your name, my pret- ty maid?” “My name is Pearl, kindssir,”” she said. “The Pearl of price nodoubt,” said he. “Ob, no—the other kind," said she. comicbooks.com