Judge, 1913-02-01 · page 15 of 24
Judge — February 1, 1913 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces from *Judge* magazine reflecting early 1900s anxieties: **"When the Ball Is Up"** mocks status-seeking through automobiles. The Browns compete with the Dickenses over who can afford a new car first. Mrs. Brown uses gossip (fabricated through layers of hearsay) to shame her husband into buying one, claiming Dickens called him a "slowpoke" who couldn't learn to drive. Mr. Brown capitulates, planning to sell their horse and carriage to fund the purchase—all driven by competitive vanity rather than practical need. The satire targets both conspicuous consumption and how easily people are manipulated by social pressure. **"In Dreamland"** depicts stock-market speculation's volatility. Binks plays the market "on margin" (buying with borrowed money), then celebrates his paper profits with an expensive dinner. A stock ticker check reveals his gains have evaporated. He wakes up—the dream underscoring how quickly market fortunes reverse and how foolish such speculation is. Both pieces satirize period obsessions with wealth display and financial risk-taking.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“But he could,’’ objected Mrs. Brown. ‘‘He did, didn't he?"’ That was argument. “You're sure he bought it,’? demanded Mr. Brown, ‘‘or did they merely get a demonstration? Anybody can get a demonstration, you know.”” “They bought it,'’ declared Mrs. Brown. ‘‘Their mono- gram is painted on it—purple letters ina gold circle. It looks too sweet for anything.’’ “T'll bet Dickens doesn’t get over thirty a week,’’ said Mr. Brown. Mrs. Brown saw where she could invent to advantage. “Mrs. Brandon told me that Mrs. Dickens told her,’’ said Mrs. Brown, ‘‘that Mr. Dickens told her that he thought you were an old slowpoke. He said you couldn’t afford an auto- mobile—even a runabout—although you claim you're an auditor. And he said if you did get one he warranted you couldn’t learn to drive it. He learned the first time the demonstrator took him out.’’ “T can drive an automobil Brown, somewhat emphatically. only as good a car as he can, but a better one. pay?” f Dickens can!" declared Mr. “And I can afford not What did he IN “Nine hundred, fully equipped,” replied Mrs. Brown readily. “‘Nine hundred, with what the horse and rig will bring,’” calculated Mr. Brown, ‘‘ought to buy a good seven- passenger.’" “*You’ll do it?”’ asked Mrs. Brown. ‘‘Maybe—if we can sell the rig,’’ conceded Mr. Brown. “Why not get the car first and sell the rig afterward?” suggested Mrs. Brown. ‘‘Then you can put in the ad, ‘Good reason for selling.” Do you suppose they could get the monogram on by Saturday, George? Oh, you’re the dearest husband in all the world!’’ . “I don’t see why not,’’ replied Mr. Brown, referring to the monogram. ‘‘That Dickens said I couldn't learn to run acar, did he?” Business. . “‘When you told that patient he needed exercise,’’ said the doctor’s wife, ‘‘why didn’t you tell him what kind to take?’’ ‘You see,’’ replied the doctor, ‘I hadn’t looked up his rating, and I didn’t know whether to recommend walking or motoring.’’ DREAMLAND Binks has just played the stock mar- plan, and is pleased with himself, In the restaurant he reads the tape ket on margin on the ‘get-rich-quick’? and finds his stock has gone up to a point that means riches for him. Flush (on paper) and pleased with his astuteness, he orders a most ex- pensive dinner with champagne. He dreams happily of what he shall do when he collects profits on his stock speculation. While waiting for dinner be takes an- other look at the ticker and finds that his stock has slumped to a point that wich. leaves him almost penniless. In despair he cancels his dinner order and asks for a cheese sand- He wakes up! comicbooks.com