Judge, 1913-02-01 · page 12 of 24
Judge — February 1, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page satirizes early automobile culture (likely 1900s-1910s) through poems and brief comedic sketches. **The Flags**: Mocks wealthy motorists who collect souvenir pennants from towns they visit during leisure trips, comparing this peacetime trophy-collecting unfavorably to feudal lords returning with conquered banners from actual warfare. **A Startler & Every Little Auto**: Ridicule the automobile horn as an unbearably loud nuisance and criticize speeding drivers who waste money on cars they can't afford. **The Hackman/Machine**: Dark humor about automobile disrupting traditional jobs (horse-drawn taxis), and a comment suggesting women capable of driving cars should logically be allowed to vote. **Other pieces**: Include tired jokes about politicians "throwing mud," the automobile salesman's opportunism, and a sketch of motorists repairing cars with canvas (unclear context). Overall, the page reflects mixed public anxiety and humor about automobiles as luxury goods disrupting society and traditional livelihoods.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DISCUSSING MOTOR TRIPS ON THE O' The Flags. HEREVER sounds the motor horn, From seas to mountain crags, On every road around the world, Are flags, and flags, and flags. From touring car and runabout That swiftly hurry by, Blue, purple, yellow, green and red, The littie pennants fly. In olden times the feudal lords From crimson fields returned, With captured banners on their spears From cities sacked and burned. But now the autos speeding back From tours of peaceful leisure Dispiay the flags from towns en route, As trophies of their pleasure. rar A Startler. A man of an inventive turn called on a capitalist who was always on the look- out for new schemes that were "ke y ‘0 prove money-makers. “T have here,’’ said the woulc be in- ventor, producing his model, ‘‘ua im- proved alarm clock that will mak» you jump, no matter how sound asleep you may be.”” “*What is the improvement about i “You will observe that I have, in place of the usual gong, substituted an auto horn.’” Every Little Auto, Every little auto has a number of its own; Every little siren by its shrieking may be known. Many chaps who go a-speeding On remorse are daily feeding, O’er the coin they’re sorely needing, But which on their cars they’ve blown! The Hackman. “Now that the motor ’bus is becoming more and more successful,"’ remarked O'Beetle, “what will the hackman do?” McFee adjusted his facial court- plaster. ‘Why,’ he said, ‘the has al- ready turned barber, hasn't he?’ On a Slushy Day. Poggs—That chap who just passed in his auto must be a politician.”’ Boggles—'* Why 80?" Boggs—‘‘ Didnt you notice the way he was throwing mud?” The Machine ! Motor cars and politics are both com- plicated machines, but if a woman can learn to be a chauffeur, she can cer- tain!. 12e.1 > be a voter! Epitapu of a Speeder. No more he'll run a buzz machine— Gone where they don’t use gasoline! NOT FOR ART'S SAKE. Daubson —‘* 1 am really flattered that you should like my picture and offer such a good price for it. But it is Rot quite finished." Motorist— It doesn't matter. 1 just wanted the canvas to repair a tire with.* THER SIDE Peter Clide. PINCHING, plodding Peter Clide Never spent a cent! He'd never in an auto ride, No matter where he went. Pinching, plodding Peter Clide Labored hard for money, Which went for joy-rides when he died And left it all to Sonny. Revised. “The way of the transgressor is hard,” quoted the divine. The automobile salesman immediately became alert. “Use one of our cars and it won't be,” he asserted. Moon Madness. Professor Wiser—*What effect does the moon have upon the tied?” Sweet co-ed—'None! It affects only the untied.” comicbooks.com