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Judge, 1913-01-25 · page 20 of 26

Judge — January 25, 1913 — page 20: what you’re looking at

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Judge — January 25, 1913 — page 20: Judge, 1913-01-25

What you’re looking at

This page is primarily **advertising with satirical editorial content**. The left and lower sections contain conventional period ads for pianos, synthetic diamonds, and hotels. The **main satirical content** is the "Judge's Birthday Book" compiled by "Horace Dodd Gastit, P.D.Q." (likely a pseudonym). This features humorous, tongue-in-cheek "astrological" predictions for January birthdays. The jokes mock social pretension and human nature: a red-headed girl will be rebranded as "auburn-haired" by society; men born January 27th shouldn't wear pajamas to the opera; wealthy young men shouldn't boast about inflated allowances to their fathers. The satire targets **vanity, social climbing, and generational comedy**—typical Judge magazine fare. The "astrology" framing is the joke itself; these aren't real predictions but absurdist observations about human behavior and social conventions of the era (likely 1910s-1920s based on typography and advertising).

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UALITY must be built in a Piano, or else you cannot get the best musical effects. In the Bebni fie ANO “With the tons you can't forget” the ‘building of the best that human skill can produce is all- important. Through its sen- sitive “pedal touch,” it re- sponds immediately to your intuitive powers for musical expression. If you are interested, write us and we will notify you, where in your town you can see and hear the Behning. $750, Style 10 $800, Style 24 $850, Style 28 $900, Style 32 Cash or convenient terms, Liberal aliow- ance onold pianus. Booklet on request. 425 FIFTH AVENUE, N.Y. Entrance 38th St. s BEHNING PLANO Co. DURBAR GEMS Wonderfully brilliant. Pure white. Constructed by the Oxy-Hydrogen, Furnace. Will cut glass, stand acid and fire tests like real diamonds, Have no foil or backing. Set only gs. Brilliancy ars. of by registered f price. Money cheerfully refunded if not satisfac+ tory. Send for booklet. Dept. B, MAIDEN LANE SALES CO. 48-50 Maiden Lane, New York A Modern Twentieth Century Hote} Hotel Imperial Broadway at 31st and 32d Streets New York City OR convenience of location—one block from Pennsylvania Station, ‘within six minutes of new Grand Central Terminal, convenient to the 32d Street Station of the Hudson River Tubes (just across the street), also to the new Shopping district and Theatres For excellence of cuisine and effi- cient yet unobtrusive service For refined, comfortable and luxu- rious surroundings For its atmosphere of hospitality and the desire of its management to cater to the comfort of its guests In short Fora hotel charging moderate rates, yet offering the utmost in service and comfort, Hotel Imperial cannot be excélled. RATES: Rooms with use of bath, + = $2.00and up Rooms with connecting private bath, $2.50 and up ROBERT STAFFORD COPELAND TOWNSEND Proprietor Manager Judge’s Birthday Book Compiled by Horace Dodd Gastit, P. D. Q. JANUARY. 26th—A red-headed, snub-nosed girl child born on this date, if she lives to be twenty-one and enters soci- ety, will some day, somewhere, under some conditions, be referred to in the public prints as an “‘auburn-haired debutante, whose retrousse profile gives an impres- sion of decided piquancy.”” 27th—It is most unwise for a man born on January 27th to attempt to attend a performance of grand opera clad in that peculiar kind of evening dress known as pajamas. It will be a sure forerunner of unde- sirable newspaper notoriety, which his family will find humiliating. 28th—Twins born on the twenty- eighth day of January, like triplets born between February 23d and the Fourth of July, will sooner or later make a noise in the world, unless they are born deaf and dumb, in which case their parents can bring about the desired din by buy- ing them a couple of fish horns or a base drum. 29th—Any person celebrating his ninetieth birthday on the twenty- ninth of January should avoid hav- ing a lighted candle for each year stuck into the icing of his birthday cake, especially if he dwells ina small flat, scarcely large enough for a man to change his mind in without going into another room. 30th—Young men of nineteen and twenty, born upon this date and enjoying an allowance of $150 a week from their fathers should be careful while at college not to write home too suddenly announcing that the said allowance is twice as large as is necessary. Astrology tells us that such an act from winter-born infants is usually preliminary toa stroke of apoplexy or at least tem- porary paralysis of the organs of respiration, which may prove fatal. S3lst—It is bad luck for an under- sized man, with the courage of a jelly fish, born on the last day of to step on the sore foot of a pugilist born in blustery March, while going downtown ona subway train on a Monday morning, when the pugilist has hardly had time to recover from his Sunday’s rest. TEST FOR YOURSELF Mix the best cocktail you know how —test it side by side with a Club Cocktail No matter how good a Cocktail you make you will notice a smooth- ness and mellowness in the Club Cocktail that your own lacks. Club Cocktails after accu: blending of choice liquors obtain their delicious flavor and delicate aroma by ageing in wood before bottling. A new cocktail can never have the flavor of an aged cocktail. Manhattan, Martini and other rd blends, bottled, ready fo serve through cracked ice, Refuse Substitutes AT ALL DEALERS G.F. HEUBLEIN & BRO., Sele Props, b= = ‘Hartford New York "London ieee s s an Make Money. Drawing Comic F set the world’s !famous cartoonist, mmerman, sf few ideas. into your head. Get the Zim Book—its chuck full of ble suggestions. _ Pri paid. Bound in tion guaranteed ed within 10 The World | For its exquisite flavor. The choice of all men who know good whiskey. BERNHEIM DISTILLING CO. = Louisville, Ky. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. [t will be appreciated. comicbooks.com