Judge, 1913-01-11 · page 19 of 24
Judge — January 11, 1913 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page features a humorous essay by Ellis O. Jones satirizing assumptions about lawyers' temperaments. A wealthy, repeatedly-married woman defends her choice to marry lawyers, arguing they make excellent husbands—contrary to popular belief that their contentious profession makes them quarrelsome. Her counterintuitive argument: just as joke-writers become sad from constant humor-writing, lawyers become *gentle* from constant arguing. Their professional combativeness exhausts their capacity for domestic conflict, leaving them surprisingly kind at home. The satire mocks both lawyers (stereotyped as argumentative) and the woman's dubious logic—her analogy is clearly flawed, yet she presents it as irrefutable proof. The piece humorously exposes how people rationalize choices through convenient reasoning. The page is primarily advertisement-driven, surrounding the story with promotions for whiskey, hotels, and champagne typical of Judge's commercial model.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Tall Oaks From Little Acorns Grow” Fifty years ago I. W. HARPER was but little known outside the Old Kentucky State. Today its fame is world-wide. You find it every- where. Nee DISTILLING CO. Louisviile, Ky. WANTED—SALESMEN AND SALESWOMEN of ponitione Ox ne ok Chicago New York KansasCity SauP rancisco NewOrleans Toruata ¥ iN j— ST WHEN New York: S73? THE NEW FIRE-PROOF 2 NAVARRE Seventh Avo, & 38th Street BUSINESS MEN FAMILIES TOURISTS Maximum of Luxury at Minzoum of Cost, ACCESSIBLE—QUIET—ELEGANT Within Five Minutes’ Walk of Theatres, Shops and Clots. 300 Feet West of Broadway. Electric New Dutch Grill Rooms, Largest ia the City. ‘Cars pass Hotel to all Railroads, EUROPEAN PLAN $1.50 per Day $2.00 per Day WITHOUT BATH WITH BATH ‘Suites $3.50 and upwards SEND FOR COLORED MAP OF NEW YORK EDGAR T. SMITH, Managing Director Plaza Hotel, Chicago, under same management. Lawyers as Husbands. By ELLIS 0. JONES. 66VVES,”’ observed the multi-widow, during a lull in the auction game, ‘‘I find that lawyers make the best husbands. I always marry a lawyer if I possibly can.’” A murmur of surprise and protest went up from the rest of those around the table. “I know that isn’t the popular view,”’ continued the multi-widow serenely. ‘I used to have a different idea myself. I'll never forget the first time a lawyer proposed to me. Ihad a terrible time making up my mind. I loved him, of course. As far as that goes, I have never yet married a man I didn’t love. ‘But,’ I said to myself, ‘lawyers are quar- relsome and hard to get along with. They must be. They make their liv- ing by being contentious and argu- mentative and litigious. Naturally this must have a ruinous influence on their temper: “To be sure,’’ put in the lady who was dealing. ‘‘That’s exactly what I should think, It stands to reason."" “‘And that,’’ asseverated the multi- widow, ‘‘shows what an unreliable thing reason is. My reason told me I was making a mistake, but I mar- ried him just the same. Then I real- ized that I had wronged him cruelly —that my theory about lawyers was entirely in error. Actually he was one of the gentlest, kindliest and most obliging creatures on the face of the earth.”” “‘Pshaw! that doesn’t prove any- thing!"’ scouted the lady who was dealing. ‘‘It just happened that way. I have known gentle bulldogs and humble Senators."* “I expected you to say that,’’ re- torted the multi-widow, with a slight show of impatience. ‘‘And I know what you would say if I told you that every lawyer I have been married to was just the same, if not more so. You would say it was simply a re- markable run of luck, but I can prove that your notion rests on a fallacy and that my experience is but the natural order, You have heard, of course, that humorists and joke-writ- ers are notoriously sad and solemn.’" “Oh, yes.”? “Well, that’s the idea. Joke-writ- ers get so tired writing jokes and keeping themselves in a sprightly mood that to go to a funeral occa- sionally is the greatest possible relief and diversion. Do you see the anal- ogy? Lawyers make their living by ——~eaiae i BERD 1. A perfect fan of bubbles—weaving, wave ing, rising in an upward shower of topaz; breaking into the fragrance of the grape; laden with tongue tickle—a stream of throat delight. You can pay more for a champagne than > . Cook’s Imperial Extra Dry Champagne You can’t buy a better. Every penny you pay for Cook’s buys quality—the extra cost of imported wines pays the duty and ocean freight; that’s what makes the difference. y a, Vinw he ot brute Sold Everywhere im SY and Served Everywhere American Wine Co. St. Louis, Mo. The Gliding Years Bring their own compensation and comfort to those who take as a regular part of their health regime. It enables one, as they journey through life to do a little more living by the way—Labricates bodily mechanish and keeps the artes young and pliable. 1913 “A bottle a day keeps Old Age Away.” Dealers, Grocers, Restacrants 1786 c.n. EVANS & SONS, Hudson, N.Y. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciatec. comicbooks.com