Judge, 1913-01-04 · page 12 of 26
Judge — January 4, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous "advice" column parodying pseudoscientific fortune-telling and superstitious birth-date predictions. Each entry mocks the era's tendency to claim that birth dates determine character and fate. The satire targets: 1. **Phrenology/astrology craze**: The absurd specificity (blonde + rural + even-numbered years = freckles) mimics pseudo-scientific racial and hereditary claims popular in the period. 2. **Class anxiety**: The entries about wealthy parents selecting "blond-haired Eskimos" and the cartoon showing a poor man pestering a millionaire ("Won't you teach him a lesson?") reflect anxieties about wealth, immigration, and social hierarchy. 3. **Parental overprotection**: Warnings about crocodiles, paint tubes, and swallowing silver spoons satirize anxious middle-class parenting. The cartoon's caption suggests class resentment—the wealthy man is harassed by someone following him, implying social instability and envy of the rich during an economically volatile era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
RE Seodgrars- JANUARY. 5th—To be born on the fifth of Janu- ary is an infallible sign that if you live to be fifty years of age and dwell in northern latitudes, you will encounter many snowstorms along the pathway of life, and the sooner you become expert in the use of the snow shovel and the ice- pick the better. 6th—Girl babies born upon this date must be very careful, in- deed, in the selection of their pets taking, particular care to avoid Egyptian crocodiles, Vermont bobcats, Welsh rab- bits and beby elephants, as sure harbingers of trouble. 7th—If you are a pronounced blonde and are born of rural parentage of the seventh of January in years ending in even numbers, it is almost certain that before you reach the age of seven you will find a large crop of freckles on your nose in the late summer months of your childhood days. 8th—To be born on the eighth day of January in either odd or even years in the family NATURE AND ART Judge’s Compiled by Horace Dodd Gastit, P. D. Q. Birthday ed in gilt-edged securities, is a sure sign of luck and indubitable evi- dence that as you go your way through life almost anything you want that is purchasable will come your way as long as the securities hold out. 9th—This is not considered a lucky natal day for a child fond of trop- aa Bnew SOMETHING TO PONDER FIRST. ofaretired multi-millionaire, ‘Ob, Mr. Weekchinn, we are so glad we met you! all of whose funds are invest- This man’ has followed us for four blocks. Won't you teach him a lesson ?"’ Book. ical luxury and ease who selects his parents from among the blond- haired Eskimos recently reported by the Explorer Ammsskkisskki, the Norwegian floe hunter, as dwelling along the snow-clad banks of the Uppjernnajvjvikj continent. 10th—Infants born on the tenth of January in any year, leap or other- wise, with a silver spoon in his or her mouth, should be careful not to swallow the spoon when there is nobody around to grab them by the heels and shake it out again, since carelessness of this kind invariably results in serious domestic disturbances. 11th—A child born on this date may or may not have a taste for art, but parents should be careful none the less not to leave boxes and tubes of wa- ter-color paint and oil pig- ments within their reach, un- less it is their desire to have the youngsters go in for in- terior decoration at the very outset of their career. A Frivolous View. “‘Be good,’’ says the proverb, “‘and happy you'll be’’; But fun, on the other hand, satisfies me. comicbooks.com