Judge, 1913-01-04 · page 10 of 26
Judge — January 4, 1913 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical "Judge's Birthday Book" for January—a parody of actual Victorian-era birthday books that claimed to predict character and fortune based on birth dates. The humor lies in absurdist, deliberately ridiculous "predictions." The page mocks superstitious belief in natal destiny by offering increasingly nonsensical advice: babies born January 5th will encounter snowstorms; those born January 6th must avoid "Egyptian crocodiles" and "Welsh rabbits" (a cheese dish); January 7th blondes will get freckles. The most biting satire appears in the January 8th entry, which facetiously suggests that being born into a wealthy family with "gilt-edged securities" guarantees lifelong luxury—a cynical jab at inherited privilege. The cartoons above show chaotic domestic scenes, likely reinforcing the absurdity. The page overall satirizes both superstition and class privilege through exaggerated, deadpan mock-prophecy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
RES todgrars. Judge JANUARY. 5th—To be born on the fifth of Janu- ary is an infallible sign that if you live to be fifty years of age and dwell in northern latitudes, you will encounter many snowstorms along the pathway of life, and the sooner you become expert in the use of the snow shovel and the ice- pick the better. 6th—Girl babies born upon this date must be very careful, in- deed, in the selection of their pets taking, particular care to avoid Egyptian crocodiles, Vermont bobcats, Welsh rab- bits and baby elephants, as sure harbingers of trouble. Wth—If you are a pronounced blonde and are born of rural parentage of the seventh of January in years ending in even numbers, it is almost certain that before you reach the age of seven you will find a large crop of freckles on your nose in the late summer months of your childhood days. 8th—To be born on the eighth day of January in either odd or even years in the family of aretired multi-millionaire, all of whose funds are invest- NATURE AND ART s Birthday ed in gilt-edged securities, is a sure sign of luck and indubitable evi- dence that a3 you go your way through life almost anything you want that is purchasable will come your way as long as the securities hold out. 9th—This is not considered a lucky natal day for a child fond of trop- SOMETHING TO PONDER FIRST. “Ob, Mr. Weekchinn, we are so glad we met you! man’ has followed us for four blocks. Won't you teach bim a lesson ?”” . 6000 a ia Book. Compiled by Horace Dodd Gastit, P. D. Q. ical luxury and ease who selects his parents from among the blond- haired Eskimos recently reported by the Explorer Ammsskkisskki, the Norwegian floe hunter, as dwelling along the snow-clad banks of the Uppjernnajvjvikj continent. 10th—Infants born on the tenth of January in any year, leap or other- wise, with a silver spoon in his or her mouth, should be careful not to swallow the spoon when there is nobody around to grab them by the heels and shake it out again, since carelessness of this kind invariably results in serious domestic disturbances, 11th—A child born on this date may or may not have a taste for art, but parents should be careful none the less not to leave boxes and tubes of wa- ter-color paint and oil pig- ments within their reach, un- less it is their desire to have the youngsters go in for in- terior decoration at the very outset of their career. A Frivolous View. “Be good,” says the proverb, “and happy you'll be’; But fun, on the other hand, satisfies me. This comicbooks.com