Judge — December 7, 1912 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

joown as Ben Ali, the Dip, who be- gught me to lend him a sequin. But I, being flushed with wine and arrogant sith prosperity, replied, ‘Back, back to Balsora! I pass you up!’ “Whereat the fellow cried, ‘Lo, many atime I have stood for the touch when you were up against it, and now you will pt stake me to the price of a beef stew! Bat I shall be avenged upon you!’ So aying, he went upon his way, uttering carses upon tny head. “A few days later, oh, King, live for- ever! I received a shaggy dog, which a porter brought to me in a pannier, and with this was a scroll which read, *Ac- eept this dog as a mascot in the great games. There is a blanket in the pan- nier on which is embroidered ‘‘Mascot,”’ go all will understand.’ “Commander of the Faithful, this wasa plot of Ben Ali, the Dip, for my snoing. I took the dog, and at the game we were surrounded by all the scribes, who made note of myself and the mascot. But the vengeance of Ben Ali, the Dip, overtook me. The dog had the mange, which I contracted, and all my beautiful hair fell out. In vain I wore a wig, for in the jubilations and turban-smashing that followed the foot- ball games my subterfuge was discov- ered and I was pelted from the field as animpostor. So it was that I hit upon the graft for which you fell last night.’” “Ibraham, the Panhandler,’’ said the Caliph, ‘‘your ungracious conduct to an old pal was justly punished. I shall not add to your misfortune, but I desire to ask you if the watch does not share in your present game of striking strangers for alms, getting them to strike you, and then arresting them for unprovoked assault."” “Commander of the Faithful,” replied the mendicant, ‘‘do you think for a minute that the watch don’t get their bit?” “Well,"’ said the Caliph kindly, “Giafar is my wardman. He will be to ®e you every Wednesday. When the Watch come for theirs, tell them it has gone higher up!"" So saying, the Caliph clapped his bands and the audience was at an end. That Fatal Nap. “Your ancestors did not come over in the Mayflower!" snapped the tall, spare, thin-lipped Miss Hester Plymrock. “No,” and Alias Ananias rubbed his chabby hands together, while an oily pairk Spread over his full-moon phiz. You see, it was this a-way: The old man forgot to wind up the alarm clock 4nd so missed the boat.’ | L, THE TOP NOTCH OF REAL JOY “Yes, sir, tried ’em all, but there’s only one pipe tobacco in the world that HITTING won't bite my tongue. That’s Prince Albert—the go-to-it-night-and-day national joy smoke—that just makes you jimmy-pipe-joy’us! Sells every- where in Sc toppy red bags and 10c tidy red tins. Tastes as good as it smells!’ | They All Do It. Wiseman—"‘I see that a laborer at two dollars per day continues to labor after getting a fortune.’’ . Cynicus—'* Well?” Wiseman—‘‘ You see nothing strange in it?”’ Cynicus—‘‘Nothing whatever. Look at the multi-millionaires."’ The cup of happiness with many is a tumbler. A Fatal Mix-up. “‘They tell me Tompkins’s engagement to Miss Blinks is off,’’ said Slathers, “Yes, You see, Miss Blinks knitted a pair of ear-tabs for Tompy, and a couple of tea caddies for her mother, and somehow or other the packages got mixed, so that when Tompy got the tea caddies, marked ‘To keep your ears warm,’ it made him terribly angry, and he returned them, with an all-is-over- between-us note.”” In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com