Judge, 1912-09-21 · page 6 of 24
Judge — September 21, 1912 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Top Section - "Uncle Sam's Unintentional Jest":** This references statuary by sculptor Daniel Chester French newly installed at New York's Custom House. The satire equates the two female figures with a wealthy New York society woman: the left statue represents her after returning from a European summer; the right shows her after U.S. Customs inspectors examine her luggage and confiscate contraband goods (likely fashionable imported items subject to tariffs). The joke mocks both wealthy travelers' smuggling habits and aggressive customs enforcement under Collector Loeb. **Bottom Section - "Eggsactly":** A grocer humorously claims eggs are fresh because he just called the farm and could still hear hens cackling—absurd proof of freshness that actually proves nothing. **"Why Bill Got It":** A dry joke: Bill Grubalong earned his college degree by working to pay his son's tuition, not by attending himself. The humor stems from wordplay on "got a degree." The page also contains general aphoristic wisdom typical of Judge's satirical commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
UNCLE SAM'S UNINTENTIONAL JEST. ificent groups of statuary imposed before the new Custom House in New York, the work of Daniel Chester French, typifying “Europe'’ and ‘Afric: ** have a new symbolism related to recent events. ‘The statue on the left may now be said to be representative ofa New York society woman after entering the port of New York following a summer in Europe, while the figure on the right symbolizes the same woman after Collector Loeb’s inspectors have finished with her wardrobe. U p-t AFTER a girl reaches sixteen, she begins to make a new discovery every day of something in the house that is too old-fashioned to be per- mitted to stay there. Alcohol is the vice precedent of our society. Always respect old age—except in chickens, It is much easier to lay plans than to hatch them out. Never borrow trouble, but always be ready to lend it. The apple of a young man’s eye is often a peach. Fortunate is the milk- maid who has no kick coming. Unless you strive for your rights, you are apt to get left. Some men cover up the entire disk of eter- nity with a dollar. The rings on a wom- an’s fingers don’t always make her a belle. Most men prefer a well-formed woman to one who is well in- formed. A: pleasing conversa- tionalist is one who talks o-date The man who is always blue can’t ex- pect his memory to be kept green. Many a man has been saved from los- ing lots of money by not having it. A cold hand-out appeals to a hungry man more than a warm handshake. The woman whose face is her fortune is sure to go broke sooner or later. Some matches that seem to have been made in heaven never get back home. EGGSACTLY. Young housewife—'' And your eggs, are they quite fresh ?"’ Veteran grocer—"' Madam, I have just called up our farm, and I assure you I to you about yourself. could hear the hens that lay our eggs still cackling.” Wisdom. Some engagements end happily, but in most cases the parties get married. The world is apt to regard a man with no bank account as a no-account man. The man who knows just what to do usually hunts up some one to do it for him. You can’t tell from the epitaph ona man's tombstone what road he took from the grave. Some people are so narrow-minded it’s a wonder their eyes don’t run together. In looking for a peck of happiness, some peo- ple pass right by a bushel of contentment. Matrimony is like @ river after the first freeze in the fall: look out for places where there is thin ice. Horace Zimmerman Why Bill Got It. “How is it Bill Grubalong got a degree from Lehard University this year? Didn’t know Bill was a college man.’’ “Yep. He got it for working his son’s way through college.’’ comicbooks.com