Judge — August 24, 1912 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

That luxurious plutocrat, the Kansas farmer, who for years has been cele- brated for the richness of the upholstery of his limousines, deserves to be no less renowned for the richness of his in- ventive faculty. Witness the case of ‘*Munch”’ Frankenstein, of Kanopolis. Why may he not some day share honors with the inventor of the steam engine? Watt pondered upon the power ina tea kettle. This Kansas genius observed the unused energy in young sauerkraut. Instead of making the kraut in his cel- lar waste its strength pushing heavy stones off a plank, he harnessed kraut- power to pumping water into a high- pressure tank in the farmhouse attic. “City comforts on the farm are all @ matter of a little ingenuity,’’ he de- clared. ‘‘Don't stand by and watch your wife carry heavy buckets of water from the well to the house. Let the sauerkraut do your work!"’ The commuters’ little gem hobble jumper for the pro- tection of flower bedsis a guaranteed to re- duce suburban pro- fanity at least one- half, to save the life of many a guileless chicken, and at the same time keep an entire community in merriment. When a fowl equipped with a hobbie jumper attempts to scratch, she involuntarily takes a step forward {n- stead, and the first she knows she’s out , of the flower beds and into the road. A tobacco box with a time-lock at- tachment is an idea to help reduce the high cost of living. 7 device A Brooklyn milk- bottle marksman is drafting plans for an illuminated back- yard fence. The au- tomatic decoy cat of cast iron and steel claws has failed to fulfill its murderous mission, he says, and man must re- turn to first princi- Or A recent patent describes lights to be attached toa pe- destrian’s feet. For years we have been carrying lights in our hands, though, if we had stopped to reflect it would have been apparent what folly this prac- ticeis. Indeed, no one but boys and acrobats walk upside down, so why il- luminatet he hands? A man in Spokane has * ogyo* the patent rights on an auto- matic hat tipper, “which will cause the hat to rise com- pletely from the head, rotate and re- turn in a manner! guaranteed tomake the most profound /® impression.’’ r , THE ELECTRIC FAN. The' motor fan’s a funny thing, A paradox a-flutter. It seems so cool to humankind, And yet it melts the butter! COITORIAL DEPARTMENT Tha Boy Who Delivers Your Sick of Tia Bay re livers owe Bick 7 onan The general public lives in dense ig- norance about the standards by which drivers of dynamite wagons are selected. To qualify for a driver’s seat on an all- red wagon beneath a danger flag, the prime requisite is the proper sort of face—a face that can maintain a stony nonchalance without the assistance of chewing gum (forbidden on account of the vibrations) or a pipe or cigarette. The horse for a dynamite wagon is chosen for unsurpassed docility. He will shy at nothing under heaven, and never entertains the idea of running away. If a collision stood him on his ear, he would remain in that position until advised by the driver to wake up. The ideal driver should have a face as placid as the countenance of his ideal horse. Behind this there is sound rea- soning: people will behold the driver’s poker-player mask, and,’in gazing ad- miringly at a man whose heart is bound with triple brass, will forget the terrify- ing presence of a thousand pounds of dynamite. Ann S. Thesia, the first woman to think of using laughing gas to prevent her children from crying. SO SWAT, HER! Cansider now a mamma fly, And note these dots, we beg. The artist didn’t spatter ink— They're every one an egg. —Charles P. Cushing. comicbooks.com