Judge, 1912-07-27 · page 7 of 24
Judge — July 27, 1912 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains several brief satirical pieces targeting early 1900s American social life. **"Mrs. Murphy's Idea"** mocks Irish immigrant class aspiration: Mary Ann chooses a saloonkeeper over a grocer (both working-class), disappointing her parents. When she proudly displays a gold watch from her husband, her mother dismissively notes they could have bought a better clock with combined savings—satirizing how modest immigrant wealth produces modest results. **"The Standpatters"** appears to reference domestic labor shortages and the difficulty of maintaining households without reliable servants ("helpers green and few"). **"True"** and **"Stranger than Fiction"** are humorous observations about unlikely or rare occurrences in modern life—the latter listing improbable scenarios (doctors recommending no medicine, wives refusing new gowns) as absurdities. The remaining pieces are light comic vignettes about marital dynamics and romantic situations, typical of *Judge*'s entertainment-focused humor rather than hard political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Mrs. Murphy's Idea. HERE were two suitors after Mary Ann Murphy's hand. One was grocer O'Flaherty, whom her father and mother strongly urged her to marry, and the other was saloonkeeper Fin- negan. Mary, herself, favored the latter and married him de- spite all her father and mother could say and do. One day after she was settled in her new home she came down to see her parents and exhibited a new gold watch her husband had given her. “Ah!"" said her mother dis- approvingly. “If ye took my dewice and your father’s dewice, Mary Ann, ’tisn’t a gould watch ye'd be havin’ in yer pocket, but a good eight-day clock.’” The Standpatters. With cooks elusive, and all that, The helpers green and few, It now behooves us to stand P.t, And often Bridget, too. At Wife’s Tea. Wife—‘John, which will you have? Iced tea, bouillon, cold coffee, grape-juice or lemonade?” Husband—‘‘Neither. Haven't you got something to drink?”” THE DAY OF THE DOG. Aad yet affection for children is not wholly extinct. True. The man with a thirst for glory often finds it is a long time between drinks. REFULGENT. A Pittsburgh millionaire-arrives in New York on a dark. moonless night. Stranger than Fiction: When the doctor says, ‘‘You need no medicine.”’ When your wife refuses a new gown, When a magazine accepts your poem. When a summer girl declines to flirt. When a vacation is areal rest. When you have money after a honeymoon. When a dentist can’t find a cavity. When your gold mining stock pays a dividend. When you walk in the dark without barking your shins. When your auto tire forgets to puncture on a hurry-up trip. When the horse you play to win comes in first. When it does not rain on your vacation, When the girl you really love, loves you. When you have a good balance of cold cash at the end of the year. Charles P. Shaj wer. A Mere Maid. “‘Come on out,’’ said the sailor bold Unto the mermaid fair; “I would,’’ said she, “But, mercy me, I haven't a thing to wear!"’ comicbooks.com