Judge, 1912-07-06 · page 8 of 24
Judge — July 6, 1912 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Pyrotechnical Oratory"** mocks a small-town Fourth of July speech where the orator's words are completely drowned out by fireworks explosions—a joke about the absurdity of patriotic speechmaking being inaudible amid celebratory noise. **"Tittle-tattle"** is a quick joke about a woman devoted to "Art" (capitalized, suggesting affectation) whose marriage could easily end in divorce—satirizing pretentious artistic claims. **"Bildad's Car"** jokes about rural poverty through a co-operative car arrangement between neighbors, with the punchline being they share a trolley instead. The remaining vignettes are brief sight-gags: a preference joke about cooking methods, a boy's injury from fireworks, and a dark punchline about beach drownings. The "Warcloud" image at top appears unrelated to the text below it. Overall, this represents Judge's lighthearted social satire targeting small-town American life, pretension, and contemporary concerns.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Pyrotechnical Oratory. HE citizens of Bingville were having an old-time Fourth of July celebra- tion, and Judge Hezeki- ah Simmons was the orator of the occasion. The speech, A WARCLOUD. Tittle-tattle. Mrs. One—'‘They say she’s wedded to Art. Mrs. Tother—“Yes; and Art could get a divorce in a minute from any com- petent court on earth."’ Bildad’s Car. “Well, Bildad,"’ said Jimpsonberry, “TL suppose, now that you are living out in the country, you have a car."" “Yes,"’ said Bildad. ‘‘That is, my neighbors and I have one together." “Really?” said Jimpsonberry. which will ever be a monument to his great- ness, is given here verbatim. The tact that the populace was well aware of the importance and necessities of the day is also vividly illustrated: “Gentlemen and fellow-citi- zens (bang! bang!)—I wish to address you upon—(bang! bang! BANG!) I need only remark— (boom! bang!) And, further, I may say—(spang! slam bang!) Others may assert — (whang! slippety bang!) But I still main- tain—(rippety, bippety, bang!) In conclusion, let me add— (bang! bang! BOOM! spt-t-t-t, bang!) This great and glorious —(bang! whang! spang! clang! ‘boom! bang! BANG!)" All tips come to those who wait. Matron— ing in paper bags ?"” Gay old buck—'* Thank you! I'd rather see them cooking in pink tights. HIS PREFERENCE. But if it’s all the same to you, “Co-operative arrangement, eh? Not a bad idea. What make is ier’ “Oh, just plain Trolley." Didn’t Hurt Much. ‘Hear the latest news?”’ asked the boy with the bandaged * ‘‘Naw,”’ replied the kid wit the burned fingers. “Pa was blown up last night for talking back to ma."" Reassuring. “This beach looks rather dan- gerous,’’ remarked the timid bather. ‘‘Don't people get drowned here very often?” “*No, madam,"’ replied the life “No one ever gets guard. drowned here more than once."’ “* Would you like to come in and see our class cook- _ The cost of living is high and rockets are still going up. comichooks.com