Judge, 1912-05-11 · page 19 of 26
Judge — May 11, 1912 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This piece satirizes the **Populist Party** (the "Pops") through a story set during Kansas's contentious early politics. Former sheriff Rufe Cone, summoned before a Populist convention, storms in defiant, announcing he's abandoned politics for the laundry business—then insults the Populists by saying he doesn't expect them to send him washing since "you don't have none done!" The joke mocks Populists as poor, lazy, or incompetent—implying they lack the resources or respectability to patronize a laundry. The phrase "Bleeding Kansas" references the violent 1850s territorial conflict over slavery, suggesting Judge views contemporary Populism as similarly chaotic or disruptive to Kansas society. The accompanying sections—"Destiny's Grim Humor" (about Major Butt and the Titanic) and various advertisements—fill the remainder of the page.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
In Bleeding Kansas. ICTOR MURDOCK favored the so- ciety which bears the name of his sanguine State with a political story of the early days in Wichita. It would seem, from Murdock’s ver- sion, that Rufe Cone, former sheriff of Sedgwick County, had been summoned before the convention of Populists. Rufe, indignant at the rumor gone abroad which forewarned him to pre- pare for the ‘‘riot act’’ on short notice, came storming into the hall. “T understand you sent for me?” said he to the chairman, with a defiant wave of the hand. ‘Well, here I be—look at me—take a good look, for I’m out of BUILDING FOOD To Bring the Babies Around. When a little human machine (or a large one) goes wrong, nothing is so im- portant as the selection of food to bring it around again. “My little baby boy fifteen months old had pneumonia, then came brain fever, and no sooner had he got over these than he began to cut teeth, and, being so weak, he was frequently thrown into convulsions,’’ says a Colorado mother. “I decided a change might help, so took him to Kansas City for a visit. When we got there he was so very weak when he would ery he would sink away and seemed like he would die. “When I reached my sister's home she said immediately that we must feed him Grape-Nuts, and, although I had never used the food, we got some and for a few days just gave him the juice of Grape-Nuts and milk. He got stronger g0 quickly we were soon feeding him the Grape-Nuts itself, and in a wonderfully short time he fattened right up and be- came strong and well. “That showed me something worth knowing, and when later on my little girl came, I raised her on Grape-Nuts and she is a strong, healthy baby and hasbeen. You will see from the little photograph I send you what a strong, chubby youngster the boy is now, but he didn’t look anything like that before we found this nourishing food. Grape-Nuts nourished him back to strength when he was so weak he couldn't keep any other food on his stomach.’” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. All children can be built to a more sturdy and healthy condition upon Grape- Nuts and cream. The food contains the elements nature demands, from which tomake the soft gray filling in the nerve centres and brain. A well fed brain and strong, sturdy nerves absolutely in- sure a healthy body. Read the little ‘book, “The Road to Wellville,"’ in packages. ‘‘There’s a Teason.’’ Ever read the above letter? A Rewone appears from time to time. ey are genuine, true, and full of human interest. politics! I've gone into the laundry business — understand? — the laundry business! But I don’t expect you Pops to send me no washin’, because you don’t have none done!’’ Destiny's Grim Humor. Colonel Lampton’s rhymed jesting in Jupce of April 20th, about the resplen- dent uniforms of Major Butt, was speed- ing away in the mails on a day when the newspapers were recording the major a hero of the wreck of the Titanic. It was then too late to recall the edition. We knew our readers would understand and regret—as we did. What was writ- ten as the good-natured banter of one military man to another—humor which Major Butt could have been trusted to take in as good a spirit as any one—be- came one of life’s little ironies. Humor still, but with Destiny a grim collabo- rator, flavoring each line with bitter- ness! After all, we who wear motley some- times speak more wisely than we know. “Resplendent!’’ we echoed, meaning only the uniform; but now we see the word could better have described the man’s heroic death. He Fell Down. When Henry Irving was making one of his last tours of the country, he found himself with an open date in Michigan. His manager wired the manager of a small opera house in a near-by place, asking if he could use Irving on the night in question, The following mes- sage came back, ‘What does Irving do?” The manager used up much expensive space on the wire explaining the lead- ing points about Irving, and for his pains received the following reply, “Cannot use Irving in this town un- less Irving can parade.’’ Less and Less. “This is a great age we are living in,’’ said Brinkley. ‘*We have smoke- less gunpowder, horseless wagons, wire- less telegraph’’—— “Yes,’’ interrupted Cynicus; ‘‘and we have moneyless foreigners coming over here and contracting loveless mar- riages with heartless heiresses.’’ A Spring Problem. The question comes, there's little doubt, To ev'ry young and pretty miss: “Which can I get along without The best—the onion or the kiss?” Every lover of a good cocktail should call for Abbott's Bitters. Makes the best. C. W. 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