Judge, 1912-04-27 · page 6 of 23
Judge — April 27, 1912 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes absurd fictional inventions through mock "patent office reports." The top illustration shows a séance-like scene titled "Dealing in Futures," likely referencing stock speculation or fortune-telling fraud. The inventions mocked include: - **"Bore neutralizer"**: Fake eardrums containing phonographs to block tedious talkers while playing opera/ragtime—satirizing the social problem of boring conversationalists. - **Non-loseable hairpins**: Made of gum arabic that soften with head heat but require boiling water to remove—mocking women's frustration with hairpin loss. - **Buffet calabashes**: Drinking vessels disguised as decorative gourds, with hidden compartments for liquor—poking fun at Prohibition-era subterfuge. - **Economical taxi-meters**: Fake meters customers can swap for real ones to cheat taxi companies—satirizing both passenger dishonesty and inflated cab fares. The humor targets everyday annoyances (bores, lost hairpins, expensive taxis) while gently critiquing moral shortcuts and consumer fraud during the early 20th century.
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Pat e ia one of the THE “bore neutralizer’ latest inventions designed to over- come the brain fag resulting from lis- tening to peaple who talk rapidly for an hour and say nothing except words. It consists of a pair of tiny phonographs made in the form of false eardrums. When the bore approaches, these a taken from the vest pocket, a tiny spring pushed, and secretively inserted in the ears. They render twenty-four standard operatic selections or popular ragtime melodies, according to the taste of the user, either case, how- ever, nothing the bore says is heard by the victim, as the tiny phono- graphs prevent this and give hima splendid concert at the same time. Non-loseable hairpins is another invention destined to be a great These are made in any color and composed of gum arabic. The natural heat from the head softens them sufficiently to make them adhere when once in place. They are easily remo’ by letting the hair soak thirty minutes in boiling hot water. In boon to the ladies. “DEALING nt By L.A. BROWNE headed women the hairpins are non-meltable sub- For rec alloyed with stance. Buffet calabashes, an invention of a Maine deacon, will fill a long-felt want and quench a thirst at the same time. They are made of the ordinary gourds grown and stained to match some in this country the South African They come in pint and quart There is a shallow meerschaum bow! for the tobacco. If the tobacco is suffi- calabash. sizes. TNE SIMPLE THINGS IN IN FUTURES Office Reports. ciently damp, it can be kept smoldering along time and thus deceive any one. Beneath this bow! is a glass chamber, removable, which may be filled with any A turn of the ferule that joins the stem to the pipe will allow the liquid to trickle down through a second- ary hole in the stem, People who frequently ride in taxis good liquor. in preference to taking a chance of be- ing held up by ordinary thugs will be delighted with the economical taxi- meter, invented by Mr. Tighwad- This looks like the ordinary taxi-meter. All that is necessa: is to grasp the chauffeur excitedly by the arm and exclaim, “G: Lamp the pippin over there! While the chauffeur is looking to find the pipp you yank off the regular meter and insert your own inits place. As they only cost six- teen dollars, you will save money do. n if you are unable to get it back. At th nd of the trip with one of these economical meters, will you the ta: owe twenty company ix dollars. comicbooks.com