Judge — April 27, 1912 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The ADSON HILLBURY was a born in- ventor, It came perfectly natural for him to invent. It was he who per- fected a boat driven by water-power, the water being pumped by hand into an elevated reservoir on board, and in its escape turning an overshot wheel con- nected with the propeller. You may remember his successful experiment with goldfish, in which by attaching a reversing contrivance to their fins he made it possible for them to swim back- ward, thus relieving their heads from the unpleasant pressure of the water as they moved about in it. He was also the instigator of the gyroscope hat, which assured its wearer an upright po- sition regardless of his state of inebria- tion. Jadson Hillbury was a benefactor to his race, and the world misses him that he has de- parted. Mr. Hillbury had a love for mild sport, a wife. ing, when he read in the paper that the Rob Roy Traction Company having an auction s of somewhat taxicabs, now fair income and Therefore, one ev obsolete but natural that he became it was interested. “Mrs. Hillbury,’’ he remarked, ‘‘before I go to work capturing sea- gulls to be used on the planes of airships as equilibrators, I'm going to give you and myself a treat. I shall buy a taxicab and we will tour through New England."’ Mrs. Hillbury sighed and said, ‘‘Oh, Jadson!"" This was not an original remark. She had said it quite often before. There- fore Mr. Hillbury continued as if noth- ing had happened. “You will have the satisfaction, Mrs. Hillbury,”” he said, “‘of being driven by one who has a scientific mind. 1 have never conducted a taxicab in my life, but, understanding the explosion of gas- oline and just how it exerts its propel- ling force, I shall not bother to take les- sons. I shall not find it necessary to n lift the hood of the motor before we start on our journey. Common sense, Mv. Hillbury, is sufficient.’” Hillburys By N.C. BLEECKER, The car was bought at a very reason- able figure. It was of the vintage of 1900, and its ramshackle appearance was evidence that it had never been hauled out on dry dock. Hillbury’s house was on a downhill stretch from the garage and the chauffeur had no trouble in delivering the vehicle, as the brakes, at least, were in splendid work- ing order. Mrs. Hillbury and two suit cases were piled inside, while Mr. Hillbury, duster, gantlets and goggles adjusted, prepared to officiate at the crank. “‘Aren’t you going to take off that «taximeter arrangement?”’ Mrs. Hillbury inquired anxiously. “‘T should say not!’ replied the scien- tific mind. ‘‘In the first place, the ma- chinery inside that infernal contraption “THE NOISE CAUSED MK. HILI.BURY TO JUMP AN IMAGINARY HURDLE.” generates a tremendous momentum, so that ona level stretch we can shut off the engine and use it for our motive power. In the second place, it will be the happiest experience of my life to watch the thing charging us to the tune of a few thousand dollars in the course of the trip and be able to laugh in its face. Here we go!” Hillbury crank The coughed, expectorated, sighed and be- came silent. “Hm!” remarked Hillbury. ‘It’s on the half center. We'll coast down to the river road. That's three miles, What’s the use of wasting gasoline, anyway ?"" He jumped aboard and released the brakes. The machine glided toward New England with the noiseless im- engine Try Touring. pressiveness of an electric runabout. plendid coaster, this!’ said Hill- bury. ‘‘Great! We've gone two dol- lars and eighty cents’ worth and it hasn’t cost a cent. Now watch that meter take us over this level stretch.’” But the meter fell down dismally. The car stopped gracefully, and on a crossroads leading into a popular tour- ing thoroughfare. Hillbury manipulated the levers and got out. He gave the crank a turn. The engine started, so did the taxicab. The born inventor jumped ahead. “‘Hannah, reach through the window and do something to some of those levers!'’ he shouted. Mrs, Hillbury did her best. She in- advertently threw in the high gear, and the speed of the car increased consider- ably. Mr. Hillbury lost his scientific head. The only thing he could think of to do was to run, so he ran, Mrs. Hillbury was cool. She decided toexperiment no further with the levers, but, in- stead, grasped the near- est point of the steering wheel, pulling at it bravely and hollering, “‘Whoa!"’ Fortunately, the high-speed record of the vehicle was a num- ber of seconds less to the hundred yards than Mr. Hillbury had done both in college and later as a commuter, and he skipped mer- rily along, meanwhile trying to in- vent a way outof his dilemma, Some strange instinct guided Mrs. Hillbury and she kept the car in the middle of the road with the skill of a gradu- ate chauffeur. Accidentally her hand touched a button on the wheel, and the squawker bellowed raucously, The noise caused Mr, Hillbury to jump an imaginary hurdle, also to generate an idea. He slowed down to ten miles an hour, and at the psychological moment hopped straight upward. The hood of the car passed under him while in mid- air, and he found himself in a sitting posture upon This was not so bad. He sat there, panting for breath and not daring to move, gazing helplessly at the (Continued on page 20.) comicbooks.com