Judge, 1912-04-27 · page 10 of 23
Judge — April 27, 1912 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is a satirical celebration of baseball as a purely American institution. The top cartoon shows six anthropomorphic baseballs arriving like guests—a visual pun on "ball fiends" (fans obsessed with the sport). The main article humorously defines baseball terminology through exaggeration and social commentary. For example, an "error" is defined as "any decision of the umpire against the team you are backing"—mocking fans' bias. A "bleacher" is sarcastically described as steps arranged to maximize sun exposure while cutting fans off from breezes. The piece jokes that baseball causes "gigantic mortality among grandmothers each year," suggesting elderly women die from excitement. The dictionary includes cynical definitions: "Strike" means players refusing to work until "the ghost walks" (slang for payday); "Safe" is a receptacle holding championship gate receipts; "Tie" refers to railroad tracks used by losing-team bettors to journey home. The page also includes unrelated satirical pieces on housecleaning and Sir Gilbert Parker's fictional claims about Russia and Persia, typical of Judge's mixed-content format.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
BAsepatt, a purely American insti- tution, is played by a few million fans, the newspapers and an umpire, assisted by two widely worshiped idols called pitchers. There are a few other supernumeraries in the game, but they are of no particular detriment. The contestants play out of doors nine months in the year and in vaudeville the rest of the time. The pitcher, unlike his inanimate namesake, is of no value when full. A wild pitcher is one who indulges in high balls. The purpose of the game is to score. When a team can’t score a run, it scores the umpire. When the players are raw they are roasted by the mana- ger, and when they are fresh he cans them, Baseball is not con- sidered a dangerous sport, al- though it causes a gigantic mor- tality among grandmothers each year. A baseball fan is a curious instrument used to keep the air in motion. It does not shut up, like many kinds of fans. A bleacher is a wide flight of steps, so ar- ranged as to get the full benefit of the afternoon sun and to be entirely cut off from breezes. One row of bleacher seats will comfortably accommodate a greater multitude of rooters than all the upholstered pews in a full-sized modern BALL FIENDS—THEY HAVE ARRIVED. Baseball. church. Here is an abridged dictionary of terms used in baseball: Hit—Vaudeville act headed by a big leaguer. Error—Any decision of the umpire against the team you are backing. “THE POWER BEHIND THE THROWN. Rain check—A fan's hope of the here- after. Knot hole—A small boy's peep-sight into paradise. Jinx--An excuse for playing a bum game. (See Drinks.) Steal—Transaction of a ticket specu- lator. Safe—An enormous receptacle holding the gate receipts of the cham- pionship series. Strike—Refusal of the players work until the ghost walks. Walk—End of the strike. Tie—Part of a railroad track utilized on the homeward journey by the fan who bets on the losing team. for to -c GG Hubby Passes. (A per-rersion of Browning ) The year’s at the spring— Monday morn; Time— nearly seven; The dust rag’s unfurled. It's springtime housecleaning Inferno is born! /) And i Sure as there's heaven, All's wrong in the world! Ratiocination. Sir Gilbert Parker, with fiery " emphasis, declares that never, no, never, shall Russia have Persia. As Russia already has it, the only infer- ence is that Sir Gilbert Parker is still eminent in the realm of fiction. The cry of “batter up’ now heard, is not a warning that the dough is rising. (Drawn with a single line.) comicbooks.com