Judge, 1912-04-20 · page 6 of 24
Judge — April 20, 1912 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes **William Jennings Bryan**, the three-time Democratic presidential candidate and populist orator. The opening section's speaker—boasting of golden words, a "cross of gold" (Bryan's famous 1896 speech), and being "the great commoner"—is Bryan lamenting his political irrelevance. The joke: his face, once prominent in political cartoons, has been replaced by images of teeth and eyes (likely mocking his exaggerated expressions in caricature). The other brief pieces mock contemporary absurdities: the "hobble skirt" fashion trend's unexpected consequence (stepless streetcars), and an office boy's transparent excuse about attending a water-color exhibition rather than a funeral. A poem celebrating "Major Archibald Resplendent Butt" (a real military figure) rounds out the page with mock-heroic flattery. The overall tone: Bryan's political obsolescence, fashion's unintended consequences, and gentle mockery of authority figures and social pretense.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE GIRL WHO WENT WRONG. In the Background. By CHARLES P. SHOFENER, ‘OR a long time I have not only stood, but spoken. I confess, in words of one syllable, I am no sphinx. 1 am a good speaker— Mark Anthony has nothing on me. My words are golden; Chaut auquas and other things, includ- ing a Demo- cratic conven- tion, have bowed before my eloquence. I am no brag- gart, but I am some talker. Tam also a runner and an also ran, several times; and I am still ready. My running shoes are in the ring. Now—even now—in this beautiful, trustful age, there is a fight on tiful fight—and I—I am not in it. There may be hope—there is hope. It is in the advertising columns of many newspapers; but ‘tis paid for at so much per inch. Thus have they commercial- ized hope—my perfectly good hope. a beau- (With apologies to Reginald Wright Kaufman.) What shall Ido? I will edit! I will farm! I will orate! But what's the use if the spotlight is not for me? My face once held first place as a car- toon subject. Now—I weep—my. face is replaced by much teeth—much eyes —much I's. Forget me not, ye people! Think of that ‘cross of gold,’’ remember that I am the great commoner, that I—even I am Bryan. Auf wiedersehen. The Far-reaching Hobble. When something is started, there is no prophet among us who can tell where its effects will Any innovation may go ringing through the ages, caus- ing a multitude of other changes, each of which will be the parent of others. The persons who introduced the hobble skirt never imagined that it would pro- duce the stepless street car. Now let us wait and see what innovation will be caused by the new car. end. In Boston. Office boy—**Sir, I regret to inform you that I have to attend the obsequies of my maternal grandparent."’ Employer —‘Percy, you cannot de- ceive me. You are employing that sub- terfuge in order to attend the opening of the water-color exhibition.’ Salutamus, Major! By WILLIAM J. LAMPTON ) nt of the Aero Clad annual banquet ‘teaplendent Mtajos Butt CPRULEAN shade of azure Covered his massive form, As the deep, dark blue of the heavens Covers the passing storm. Showers of golden laces Fell chest, o'er his heaving Like ribbons of sunset glory Irrajiating the west. Myriads of gilded buttons Glinted and gleamed and shone, Like the blazing stars at twilight, After the storm has gone. A flash of bewild’ring dazzle, in palace or hut— 8 and ever is Major Archibald Resplendent Butt. Would one call the turkey trot the poultry of motion? comicbooks.com