Judge — April 20, 1912 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

I figgered he wus in no condi- But hear me. tion ter see me fer a good while. that’s where the figgers lie1. “‘Joseph,’’ he bellers, ‘‘Joseph, you walk right along upstairs, an’ when I get outer the hospitle I'll give you the hottest lickin’ you ever had in your life!"’ When pa shouts up like that. you'd better get out. I went up to my room an’ rolled on the bed, an’ laughed with my mouth until I wus cryin’ at the eyes, an’ then whooped her up some more, till 1 began to wonder where dinner wus comin’ frum. Later I found ma had rescued somethin’ frum the wreck an’ had finished it in a stewpan, civil- ized fashion, When everythin’ wus ready an’ pa bandaged up an’ quieted down, she calls me. We sat down, with a smell of burnin’ in the air, an’ begun tereat. Nobuddy said nothin’ fer the longest time. Finally pa ses, in a chastened tone, “Ader, what does this taste like ter you?”’ “‘Well,’’ ses ma, kind of weighin’ the question, ‘‘I should say the flavor wus half charcoal an’ half paper bag, Alvin!"’ “‘Huh!"’ ses pa, with infinut disgust. Wife—‘‘ What is a referendum?”’ Husband—**Search me! I don't know whether it’s a soft drink or a part of an aeroplane."* When Jimpsy’s dressed for Sunday, He is beauty fine, I Guess! You ought to see the flounces And the laces on his Dress! And baby pins and ribbons, All the dainty pinks and Blues! Sleeves. Oh, are they short or long this year? And are they large and puffed, Or tight, so that fat arms appear Like sausages, well stuffed? Whatever else their shape may be, A protest we would utter 'Gainst huge puffs at the wrists, that we Drag surely through the butter. GuESS YOUR WEIGHT OR YOUR HoNtY BACK! WILLIE ELEPHANT (looking at sign over scales) —‘* By jingo, old man, I'll go you! Here's yer nickel.”* No Cinch. Lulu’s mother heard a great splashing in the bathroom, and, upon investiga- tion, found her little daughter standing in the partially filled tub, in a most be- drabbled condition. “Why, you see, mamma,’’ she ex- plained, ‘I've been trying to walk on the water, and it’s no fool's job, let me tell you!"’ Show Time. Appropriate. Willis—‘‘Why do you call your ma- chine a ‘she’?’’ Gillis—‘‘It is said to be the ‘last word’ in automobile construction.’* On the Free List. She was a stately and important-look- ing dame, quite accustomed to holding a high hand; he was a customs inspector, who refused to have any of his rights and duties abrogated. She—‘Just wearing apparel in these bags; nothing dutiable, sir.” He (tumbling about silk dressing sacks, toi- let articles and travel- ing accessories, brings out a bottle of cognac) —You said wearing apparel!" She (with a wither- ing look)—‘*My hus- band’s nightcap, sir!’’ Taking No Chances. “*Be careful in select- ing a husband, girls!’’ cried the noted lecturer. “After all, man is somewhat like a bal- loon. He’’—— Before she could continue with the simile, a sweet young thing near the platform called out, “T'll take a dirigible!’" Binks—‘‘ What verse in the Bible best describes the college student?”’ Jinks—‘‘ ‘They toil not, neither do they spin, yet Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.’ ”’ The cutest little stockings And the dearest pair of Shoes! Oh, my! but he is handsome! And his daddy’s mighty Proud! And all the other babies Are a homely little Crowd! _ srving Juntin. comicbooks.com