Judge — March 30, 1912 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Figures Never Lie,” But— VERY little auto Has a number All its own, So by its deeds and actions Its owner may be known; But when autos Go a-speeding, Law and limit Both exceeding, There is something Quite misleading In the number That is shown. Now that the equal-suffrage States have thirty-seven ballots in the electoral college, presidential candidates dare not sneer at the militant woman, AN UP-TO-DATE DEVICE. “ You certainly have most extraordinary luck keeping your servants. How do you do it?”" “Have telescope attachraents to all the keyholes."" Major Shurtz. One gentleman approached an- | other on Fifth Avenue, his hat in hand. “Do you not know me, sir?) Ma- jor Shurtz, sir.’” “The deuce! What do I care if you did make my shirts? I am not supposed to recognize you, am 1?’" The Real Need. “This article telling ‘how to trim a hat for the price of the frame’ is all well enough, ’’ remarked Mrs. Small- means; ‘‘but what I would really like to know is ‘how to trim a hus- band for the price of a hat.’’’ A Sort o’ Biography of Benjamin Franklin. ENJAMIN was the tail end of a procession of seventeen Franklin off- springs. His first act of sagacity was his choice of a birthplace, Boston being the favored spot. For a few years he engaged in the light but greasy occupation of furnishing tallow candles to the Bostocratic consumers of those dark, early years of the eighteenth century. There being no Sherman law at this time, the busi- ness thrived and Ben soon amassed a bankroll suffi- cient to allow him to retire from the candle business and become a devil ina local printing shop. But when he learned that they never raised the devil in Boston, he migrated to the soporific atmosphere of Phil- adelphia, where he pub- lished the Pennsylvania Gazette with one hand and studied Latin, economy, Philadelphianese, and kin- dred dead languages with the other. biography, a book that is full of guod old advice, but so little used that it is still as good as new. The last act of Ben's life was his death, which occurred in 1790. He is survived by a large number of marble and plaster busts. Here are a few of Ben's big hits: Early to bed and early to rise ‘Makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Never leave that till to- morrow which you can do to-day. Three removes are as bad as a fire. He that goes a-borrowing goes a-sorrowing. It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright. Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other. There never was a good war or a bad peace. We must all hang togeth- er, or assuredly we shall all Still finding some vacant “HE WAS STRUCK BY A SMALL PORTION OP LIGHTNING AND A GREATIDEA.” hang separately. time on these expansive hands, he went into the almanac business and made an instantaneous hit. Seeking a relief from the proverb- ial slowness of the Quaker City, he took up kite flying and asa result was struck by a small portion of lightning and a great idea. He let the lightning go, but kept the idea and passed it along toa few of his friends. has proven that they were correct. They thought it a really good idea, and history Have we not to-day the great electric belt anda few other devices in which electricity, discov- ered by Ben, plays an important part? Yes, we have. The subject of this sketch also left a number of copies of his auto- comicbooks.com