Judge, 1912-03-23 · page 17 of 24
Judge — March 23, 1912 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humorous pieces targeting common targets of early 20th-century satire: **"The Pachyderms Secure the Best Seats"** (top cartoon): A political cartoon depicting elephants (representing the Republican Party) monopolizing the best theater seats, likely satirizing Republican dominance or their tendency to crowd out others from power or prominence. **"Children's Twenty-four Hours" and "Athirst for Knowledge"**: Two poems mocking adults' inability to answer children's endless, impossible questions—"How long is soon?" "Why does Uncle George eat soup through his mustache?"—and children's obsession with learning, particularly about extinct creatures like the dodo. **"With Golden Bullets" and "A Nature Student"**: Brief jokes about a hunter buying dead game rather than hunting it, and a child correcting an adult's assumption about storks delivering babies (replacing it with a sandhill crane, a regional alternative). The page emphasizes humor about human pretension, parental frustration, and regional American references.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE PACHYDEKMS SECURE THE BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE. Athirst for Knowledge. By CAROLYN WELLS. Children’s Twenty-four Hours. B, HORATIO WINSLOW, T IS advertised that certain persons, with a sublime confidence in the hu- man vocabulary, have issued an encyclo- pedia for the express purpose of answer- ing the child's questions. The late Don Quixote never engaged in a more worthy or more perilous adventure, for where is the poor mortal who would not blithely face a cavalry charge rather than try to stand up under these: How long is soon? But why does the magnutism make the irun come to the magnut? What is matter? Well, but what’s that? Where is yesterday? When does some day come? Why does Un- cle George eat soup through his mustache? But because what? How old is Aunt Kitty? Why did God make papa? Oh, what's the use? Eternal repu- diation is the price of re-elec- tion. Mr. Rooster—"* Say, Y LESSON book about the birds Is full of lovely, grown up words; And all the things it tells do seem Most int’restin’ in the extreme. But, though it scribes ‘most every sort, Some of the ’scriptions are so short! It doesn't tell why things are so— And that I always want to know. Now, 'bout the dodo, You can see His picture nice as nice can be; But jes’ a teeny line, to sa: ‘The dodo is extinct to-d That means he isn’t any more. He sort of used to be—of yore. Somehow it ‘fects me awful sad, And must make dodos feel real b To think they're obsoleted birds And only get a few short words. I sit and pounder as I look At dodo in my lesson book, PREPARING FOR THE SEASON. , professor, what will you charge to teach my children the turkey trot ?"" And think, with fastly flowing tears, Of his long, sad, extincted years, And wonder why it is the fate Of dodos to be out of date. But, though I’ve thinked and thinked and thinked What makes the dodo be extinct, I don’t know why it is—do you?— And teacher says he doesn’t, too! With Golden Bullets. “Roberts is a dead-game sport.”’ “Yes; Inoticed the last time he went hunting he bought his birds at a butcher shop.”” A Nature Student. ‘Hello, Bobby! I hear that thé stork has brought you a new baby brother.’” “Gitout! De nearest thing to a stork in dese diggin’s is a sandhill crane.’’ The waiter— “Haven't you forgotten some- thing, sir?’”’ Guest—‘‘ Yes. What a good meal tastes like.”” comicbooks.com