Judge, 1912-03-09 · page 6 of 24
Judge — March 9, 1912 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains several satirical pieces mocking early 20th-century social conventions: **"Believe Me"** (main poem): Criticizes modern women's appearance and fashion choices compared to romantic ideals of earlier poetry. The satire attacks women's use of cosmetics, false hair ("rats"), corsets ("thirty-inch waist to a twenty-inch squeeze"), and uncomfortable shoes—suggesting contemporary women sacrificed natural beauty for artificial appearance, unlike the women poets like Byron and Moore supposedly inspired. **"Against the Weight of Evidence"**: A cartoon joke about a hippo wife charging her husband with "extreme cruelty," likely commenting on marital disputes of the era. **"A Chump"**: A man foolishly rejects a woman's romantic proposition, then later regrets it, realizing he missed his chance—a common romantic comedy trope. **"Seven Wonders of the World"**: Simple cartoons showing how children appear different to their mother, father, and neighbors—mildly humorous observation of perspective. **"Blocking Traffic"** and "Inoculated"**: Short anecdotes with modest comedic punchlines about everyday situations. The page primarily satirizes contemporary women's fashion and beauty standards while offering light domestic humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ELIEVE ME, if all those endearing young charms Which poets raved over of yore Were like those of now, we'll go back to the farms And never read poetry more. When Moore trilled his lays to a maid passing fair, In which love in each line made a plaint, Did her make-up include a few bundles of hair And two or three buckets of paint? When Byron twanged all of the strings of his lyre To a fair one, name not now recalled, Did she stand with a curling iron stuck in the fire, While the poet outside cater- wauled? Did she squeeze a big hand in size-too-small glove Anda ‘‘six’’ foot.into a ‘‘four’’ shoe, While he sang a sad song to the moon of his love And begged her to dawn on his view? Believe me, if all of the maids of each wheeze They sprung with ‘Alas!’ and ‘‘Alack!’" Brought a thirty-inch waist toa twenty-inch squeeze Ere they could be hooked up the back, If they powdered and painted and wore rats galore, AGAINST THE WEIGHT OF EVIDENCE Judge—"* What 's the charge against your husband ? Mrs. Hippo—" Extreme cruelty, your honor."” Believe Me. By JUDD MORTIMER LEWIS. A Chump. Suddenly, and with a saucy glance, she said, and you were Spring?” “Why,’’ said he, smiling vacuously, “certainly not! The idea!"’ And she was so cool and indifferent And their toilets cost half a day’s INOCULATED. fuss, Old lady—"* You talle lik th au Believe me, I say, those old poets of Tramp" Yes, ma'am, Ite telated 10 T0y- yore, aly, Wanst I was stung by a queen bee." have scratched. Oh, they didn’t have nothin’ on us! ~ all the rest of the evening that he went home wondering. Then it dawned upon ‘him, and he thumped himself and cried, “Oh, chump, chump, chump!”” For of a sudden had come to Oo him the words of the poet: “And Winter lingers in the lap of Spring.”” Blocking Traffic. There were times when McFee gloried in the fact that he was the father of nine children, even if they were on the lines of the proverbial human stepladder; but on the day when he was taking them out for a walk, he felt cha- grined. He was walking along at a fairly good gait when he was halted by a policeman, who asked, “I say, you, what you been do- in’? “‘Nothing,’’ replied McFee. “Why?” ‘Well, what's the crowd fol- lowing you for?’’ It’s the wrong dame that’s always turning. Never count your chickens until they SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD. — Ed, Mott. 3. As the neighbors see them. “Oh, don’t you wish I were Winter ~——— comicbooks.com