Judge — March 2, 1912 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ft Happens Often. Have you ever tried to take a message on a telephone when cars are passing a great rumble in the street out- an I take the message?"" “Would you kindly tell Jack that his -when he is is to see his work? All right "* t! I say his mother is dying to —(rumble)--work.”* Do you want me to tell him that?”” Yes, please. And also to come home ‘as soon as—(rumble)—-he is doing." “Doing what?”? “No matter what he is doing! Do you —(rumble)—that?"" “ “No, [don't do that."? do you get that?” “Oh, almost.”” “All right; be sure and tell him." And you proceed to tell Jack that his mother is dying, but would rather work, so he had better call her up.—Harvard Lampoon. Auto Aristocracy —‘‘He has a grudge inst the plain people.” ‘On what score ?’* 's they wear so many rubbers that it forces up the price of tires."’—- Louis ville Courier-Journal. AGreat Advantage.—‘‘ Louis Edmonds, alittle twelve-year-old girl, is the cham- pion baker of Towa."* “Huh! When she marries, she will never be bothered by having her hus- band tell her about the fine bread his mother used to make.''— Youngstown Telegram. His Preference —Winkleby gazed at the new triplets with fatherly pride, but not a little apprehension in his eye, nevertheless. “What are you thinking, dear?”’ asked Mrs. Winkleby softly. “Nothing. dear, nothing.’’ he said falteringly; ‘‘only, don’t you think that it would be wiser for us hereafter to build up our little family on the install- ment plan?”’—Harper's Weekly. A Concrete Example.—Dodds—** Asone grows older, there are certain things in which it is difficult to keep up one’s in- terest. Don't you find it so? Hobbs—'*Er—yes; the the mort- gage on my house, for example."’—Bos- ton Transcript. Johnny’s Surmise.—‘‘ But, pa,'’ whim- pered Johnny, ‘‘ma’s spanked me already for bein’ sassy to her."” “Well, I’m going to wallop you for it, too,’ retorted his father. ‘And do you know why?’” “Well,’’ said Johnny, resolved to get the greatest amount of satisfaction out of a hopeless state of affairs, ‘‘I guess it’s becuz what’s sass for the goose is ss for the gander.’” Whereupon pa laid it on just a trifle harder.—Harper’s Weekly. New York To-day Chicago To-morrow Distance is annihilated. Chicago is only a night from New York. Business suspended New York at 4.00 P. M. to-day is taken up in Chicago at 9.00 A. M. to-morrow. There is no loss of time. You leave with the sunset on the Hudson to-day and arrive with the sunrise on Lake Michigan to-morrow. The intervening gap is bridged by the *Pennsylvania Special” The going is as comfortable as a night at a hotel. There is no lack: of convenience. The appointments are complete. The steel Pullmans are safe. You may work or play, read or rest, and you walk out of the Chicago station in the morning as fresh as if you had spent the night in your New York apartments. Leaves Pennsylvania Station at 4.00 P. M.. Hudson Terminal at 3.55 P. M. Arrives Chicago 8.55 A. M. Leaves Chicago 2.45 P.M. Arrives New York 9.40 A.M. PENNSYLVANIA RAILROAD For tickets. delivered ar home, office, or hotel; for Pullman reservations and any information, apply to NEW YORK CITY ‘TICKET OFFICES : 263 Fifth Avenue (Comer 29th Street), 501 Fifth Avenue (at 42d Street), 461 Broadway (Corner Grand Street), 170 Broadway (Corner Maiden Lane), 111 West 125th Street Telephone “Madison Square 7900” Is There Anything the Matter With You? His Honor offers you a prescription that will cure you painlessly and thoroughly, no matter how serious your case. Here it is: R, Q erty rf Mu Dette! Murer A ei Acti Cul BS Veh, wn oa avs co deata aa 4e8 Ms wth atehe woth aT sang, Your newsdealer is licensed to fill this prescription for you, and will charge but 10c. Better place your order for April 6th issue early. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com