Judge, 1912-03-02 · page 13 of 24
Judge — March 2, 1912 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains two main satirical pieces: **Top section:** A rural character recounts attending an opera, mocking both the art form and urban sophistication. The humor relies on dialect comedy (popular in this era) depicting an unsophisticated farmer bewildered by operatic conventions—foreign singers, simultaneous dialogue, emotional intensity. His preference for church hymns over grand opera satirizes the cultural divide between rural and urban America. **Bottom illustration ("Cab Sir! Cab!"):** Shows a fantastical flying vehicle—appearing to be an early motorcar with wings. This likely satirizes the era's obsession with emerging transportation technology and futuristic speculation (early aviation was nascent). The gentleman in a top hat frantically hailing it as a "cab" mocks both technological utopianism and the absurdity of expecting such contraptions for everyday use. **"Diamond Dust" section:** Brief aphoristic humor about bachelor housing, marriage, and beauty—typical filler content for the magazine. The overarching satire targets American class divisions and the gap between technological promise and practical reality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
keer a durn. I thot mebby she wuz so excited ’baout seein’ the opery thet she didn’t know what she'd done, en I wuz goin’ tew tell ‘er; but Hi, he sez tew leave her alone, so I hed tew set thar en watch the show over her bare back. I'd a hated tew see Mirandy set- tin’ thar like thet. **Then the opery commenced. It wuz the drattedest thing I ever see. The actors en actresses kep" singin’ while they wuz actin’. You cud a heerd them a-singin’ frum yere up tew Stringtaown Corners. Hiram, he sez the name uv the opery wuz ‘Twist ‘Em en a Sol- dier,’ er sum sech fool name like thet. They didn't sing no toons, en one wouldn’t wait ’tell another gotdone. Sometimes they wuz six singin’ tew oncet, all different. One fat feller nigh busted, he got so mad at a woman ’et kep’ sing- in when he wanted her to quit. I reckon he wuz full. They say them actor folks drinks like fishes. Sometimes most on ‘em ‘d go aout, en leave one feller en his woman. Seems like they wuz lonesome, cuz they'd com- It didn't do ‘em no good tew try tew talk, cuz they wuz foreigners. en cudn't onderstand Them folks kep’ uri mence bawlin’ en kissin’. each other nohow. “*Wall, they got tuckered aout en quit arter a while, en I wuz glad it wuz over, I heerd the woman in front uv me say tew her man, ‘Isn’t Gatticazzazi a lallapaloosa?’ So the poor woman, I see, wuz crazy astunket. Probly she didn’t know she wuz ondressin’ thetaway, en her man orter hey told her. “Opery may be grand fer them as likes it, but I’d ruther hear our choir daown tew the meetin’ house sing, *When the Roll Is Called up Yender,’ then tew hear en see all the grand operys they is in the hull kentry.’”’ Diamond Dust. The first step of bachelors to sec better quarters should be to THE CuN OP THE DOVE: their didoes fer nigh onto three hours, en I got tarnation sleepy; but ever oncet in awhile some one'd let out a war-whoop, then I'd open my eyes en glanct at thet woman's naked back in front uv me, ‘n the shock’d keep me awake sum time. “CAB, SIR' CAB?" change look around for better halves. Keepa friend—don’t marry him. None but the braids preserve the hair. Beauty that is not skin deep will rub off. It is often true that the dentist feeds himself better with your teeth than you do yourself. It Usually Does. ‘‘Has marriage brought about a great Bilkins?"’ it has made small change." ON comicbooks.com