Judge, 1912-02-24 · page 21 of 24
Judge — February 24, 1912 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains primarily **humor columns and advertisements** rather than political cartoons. The main satirical content is a short joke titled "A Profound Linguist" about a pompous, incompetent coroner investigating a railroad accident. Unable to communicate with a Slavic immigrant witness, the coroner tries German, Italian, Hungarian, and Russian—then gives up, declaring the case cannot proceed. The satire mocks the coroner's absurd assumption that the witness must speak *some* European language, while never considering that the man simply doesn't speak English and the coroner lacks basic communication skills. The page's largest feature is a **Schlitz beer advertisement** exploiting period anxieties about light damaging beer in glass bottles. It claims dark bottles protect purity—a scientific-sounding sales pitch typical of early 20th-century advertising. Minor humor items mock dramatic theater, gluttony, an overeager butcher, a cowardly suitor, and other everyday situations. The **Underwood Typewriter advertisement** offers office equipment.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Profound Linguist. There had been a fatal accident at the railroad crossing ina little Pennsylvania town, and the coroner, a pompous old fellow, who magnified conscientiously both his office and its incumbent, had impaneled a jury for the inquest. There was only one witness of the ac- ident, an illiterate Slav from the coal es, who could understand no English. With him the coroner began to struggle. “Can you speak German?” he asked. The man shook his head. “Can you speak Italian?’’ continued the official. Again the man shook his head. * “Can you speak Hungarian?’”’ The same response. “Can you speak Russian?’’ finally asked the coroner. Again the man shook his head. “It's no use, gentlemen,'’ said the coroner, turning to the jury. ‘‘We can’t proceed with the case. I've spoken to this man in five different languages and can't make him understand me.’’—Phil- adelphia Record. Nor Does a Loud Band Help It.—A play is like acigar. If it be bad, puffing won't make it draw; while, if it be good, everybody wants a box at once.— Tit-Bits. Fortunate.—‘Tommy,”’ said his brother, ‘‘you’re a regular little glutton. How can you eat so much?”’ “Don’t know; it’s just good luck,’’ replied the youngster.—Christian In- telligencer. Lively Times.— Butcher—Come, John, be lively now! Break the bones in Mr. Williamson's chops and put Mr. Ray's ribs in the basket for him."’ John (briskly)—‘‘All right, sir, just as soon as I have sawed off Mrs. Mur- phy’s leg."’—Tezas Magazine. A Bad Outlook.—‘‘No, I can’t get up enough courage to ask old Patterson for his daughter." “And why not?’’ “Because I'm a builder of absolutely fireproof buildings and he is a fire-insur- ance agent.’’—Cleveland Plain Dealer. The UNDERWOOD r keeps best in Brown Dark bottles only are used for beer in Germany and England. The chemists of this country as well have repeatedly warned against the possible dangers to purity following the use of light glass bottles. Light starts decay even in pure beer. Dark glass gives protection against light. We have adopted every idea, every invention, that could aid to attain and preserve purity. If you knew what we know about beer, you ‘would say ‘Schlitz —Schlitz in Brown Bottles.” Order a case from your dealsr today, See that crown or cork is branded *‘Schlite™ The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous Revolving Duplicator| is preferred in well equipped offices to complicated expensive | Rachines. There are a hundred profitable uses for the Un. éerwood Duplicator in any office having a mailing list and Sting follow-up. The machine will pay for itself many times over in a few Weeks. It is the simplest, easiest, fastest and best duplicator Ranufactured and will save money, time and labor. ‘Sold with all appliances and no license restrictions for only $35.20 Complete Send for Booklet UNDERWOOD TYPEWRITER CO., Inc. Dept. M, Underwood Building, | New York City! Wanted To Know.—A doctor, attend- ing a wit who was very ill, apologized for being late one day by saying he had to stop to see a man that had fallen down a well. “Did he kick the bucket, doctor?’’ groaned the incorrigible wit.—Tezas Magazine. Worse Yet.—He—‘‘Speaking of dia- + monds, I’ve noticed that the girl who wears the headlight usually wears a light head.”* She— But think of the man who gave it to her.""—California Pelican. Notwithstanding. — Stern parent— ‘Quite so, quite so! You tell me that you have proposed to my daughter; but - —er-you say nothing about your posi- ti Nervous suitor—‘‘My position, sir? Oh—er—the—usual one, I believe—on my knees, you know.’’—Tit-Bits. Another Sign Failure.—‘‘All signs sooner or later fail.’’ “True. According to the present state of my coal pile, it ought soon to be time to go fishing.”"—Detroit Free Press. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com