Judge — February 24, 1912 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Overnight between New York, Boston and Chicago 20th Century Limited The train that saves a business day between these cities, in- sures a perfect night’s sleep, and lands you at your destina- tion in the morning, refreshed and “‘fit’’ for the day’s work. Lv. New York Lv. Boston Ar. Chicago 4.00 p.m. 1.30 p.m. 8.55 a.m. 2.30 p.m. 11.50 a.m. 9.25 a.m. Ly. Chicago Ar. Boston Ar. New York “‘Water Level Route’’ —You Can Sleep A New Disease.—He—'‘'What's the matter with poor young Thomson?"’ She—‘‘The doctor says it’s locomotor ataxia. He—‘‘Ah! I'd ‘ave the beastly things taken off the road if I ’ad my way!""— London Opinion. Foresighted. —New maid—"‘ Would yez mind giving me a_rikemmendation, mum?’ Mistress—‘‘ Why, you've just come!"’ New maid—‘‘But yez may not want to give me wan when I'm lavin’, mum.”” —Boston Transcript. Simple.—‘‘Speaking of etiquette, did you send half a crown for those adver- tised instructions on ‘What to do at table’?"" “Yes."" “And what did you get?"" “‘A slip with one word printed on it: ‘Eat!’ '’—Tit-Bits, Going Him One Better.—Kitty—'*Tom says I grow younger every day.”’ Jack—'That’s a positive fact! Why, I shouldn't be surprised to see your name soon among birth notices !'’—Bos- ton Transcript. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be eppreciated. An Article of Merit. “Dear sir,’? wrote the mail-order man to the farmer who had answered his advertisement, ‘‘Dear sir—Your favor of recent date received, and I beg to acknowledge receipt of the two bits (twenty-five cents) which you kindly inclosed. “*By this same mail I am sending you, as agreed, one of our patent coat hang- ers. You will, 1 am sure, find it all we claim—neat, sensible, simple, practical. No parts to be put on or taken off. A hammer is all that is needed to attach it permanently to any post or wall.’’ In due time the farmer received the letter—and, in a separate package, one two-inch wire nail.—Joy Book. Customer’s Name Is Peck.—Barber— “You are losing your hair very fast, sir. Are you doing anything to save it?’ Customer—‘**Yes; 1'm getting a di- vorce."’—Boston Transcript. The Bitter with the Sweet.—Auntie (who is housekeeping during mother’s enforced absence )—*‘‘ Now, you see, chil. dren, 1 have made you a pudding—(mur- murs of approval)—and there won't be any trouble over getting you to take medicine to-night, for I am not going to give youany. (Loud applause.) I have, however, mixed all the pills and draughts and powders up with the ingredients of the pudding.”” (Groans.)—Tit-Bite, A King George Story.—Shortly before his departure for India, King George was visiting at a country house near the scene of one of Oliver Cromwell's bat- tles. Strolling out one morning alone, he met the village blacksmith. ‘‘T say, my good fellow,’’ said his Majesty gen- ially, ‘‘T understand there was a big bat- tle fought here.’” “‘Well—er,’’ stammered the black- ith, recognizing and saluting the ing, ‘‘I did ’ave a round or two with Bill the potman, but I didn’t know your Majesty ‘ad ’eard of it.’’—Boston Tran- script. $ 00 PER MONTH | . A Bond Owner For less than that amount you can be come a Bond Owner by purchasing a | hundred dollar bond yielding from 4% to 6% per annum of safe and reliable companies by paying down 20% of the purchase price and the remainder in monthly payments of less than $8.00 a month. We also sell $5OO and $1,000 bonds by this same method. Write “The Hundred Dollar Bond House” for their “Small Payment Plan.” BEYER & COMPANY “The Hundred Dollar Bond House.” 650 William St. New York comicbooks.com Popo ee ae ee