Judge — February 24, 1912 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Primary San Francisco. AN FRANCISCO was founded in 1777 by the Spaniards, who called it Yerba Buena, on account of the excel- lent dandelion greens found there. In 1847 the city became so reckless and dangerous that some wished to call it Matin Buena (meaning good-night), but others objected; so they compromised on San Francisco, which was the name of a monk who often summered, sprung, and fell there, wintering in Astoria, Ore. San Francisco’s climate is ‘‘mild, healthy, and peculiar’ (Gazetteer). It has more mean temperature than any other city on the coast. The heat makes the thermometers soar; in fact, all the population feel like going straight up at PUZZLE—WHERE IN 'FRISCO IS THIS? Lessons in Geography. Ly CARLETON G. GARRETSON, Instructor. times. It is impossible to bound San Francisco, because, according to the Board of Trade literature (and this sort of literature never lies), it is boundless. The city has the use of the Pacific Ocean. You go over a pair of bars and through a gate, and there you are. The gate, being protected by bell buoys, is often called a tollgate. The yellow peril is said to exist in San Francisco, but it is mostly under the surface. The city is very wealthy; you often see one of the yellow women with a litt!e chink. When the Chinamen become too numer- ous they are removed by means of tongs. This is sanitary, simple, and safe. The city has a mint, also a Hearst news- paper, both of which are making money Is Teddy Going To Run? By M. H. BLAKE. OMETHING ominous is brewing. Every one is chewing, stewing. Great days, these, for interviewing; Meantime, little work is done. It is heard in hotel lobbies And amongst the bluecoat bobbies; And the question raising hob is, “Say, is Teddy going to run?’’ You will hear it in the trolleys And when ladies air their collies; Everywhere are wordy volleys Crackling like a gatling gun. Undertaker with his casket, Bridget with her laundry basket, All have time to stop and ask it— “Say, is Teddy going to run?” Broadway Johnnie on his ramble, Brokers who in Wall Street gamble, Rosenbaum, O'Toole, and Campbell Peddle language by the ton. Daily papers, white and yellow, Screech and groan, predict and bellow, Saying, ‘Won't some prophet tell, oh, Tell if Teddy’s going to run?”’ Meantime our beloved Teddy, In a manner calm and steady, Waits till he is good and ready— He's not going to spoil the fun. And, it may be well to mention, He don’t mind the world’s attention; Says we'll learn at the convention Whether Teddy’s going to run. out of raw material. San Francisco was quite shaken up some years ago by a peculiar disturbance. There were splits here ana there, and a lot of pull- ing and hauling and excitement; but the result was excellent, as the city is now much cleaner than it was. This was a case where many of those who had a Ruef over their heads regretted the fact and welcomed the change. The city ex- ports lemons, skins, bottled headaches, theatrical stars, and many other deli- cacies, Its population cannot be given, as the Board of Trade would bring suit for underestimating it, no matter what figure was quoted. The class may now pass to the board and try to draw a cross section of Chinatown, S. F. Favorite Fiction. Roosevelt—‘‘The Purloined Letter.’’ Taft—‘‘Bob, Son of Battle."” Harmon—‘‘Pudd’nhead Wilson.’" Wilson—‘‘ Whispering Smith.’’ La Follette—‘‘The Silent Places.’” Bryan—‘‘ Looking Backward.’’ Clark-—‘‘The Man Between.’” Underwood—‘‘The Fighting Chance.” Dix—‘The Boss.’ Folk—‘‘Double Trouble.’’ Father—‘My son, the proverb says, ‘Hitch your wagon to a star.’ ’” Son—‘Not up to date, dud. One should say, ‘Attach your auto to a comet.’ ’” comicbooks.com