Judge — February 10, 1912 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Uncle Sam's Jesters. By ROBERT D. HEINL. ITIZENSHIP was being discussed at a luncheon given by the City Club of Kansas City. “The highest type of citizen,’ Walter L. Fisher, Secretary of the Interior, said, ‘‘is he who neither runs for nor away from public office.’’ At the same table sat William Jen- nings Bryan, also a guest. Eyes were immediately directed to the man who had been before the public as a candi- date for sixteen years. Both Secretary Fisher and Mr. Bryan smiled. “T am sure the Secretary of the In- terior meant nothing personal by his re- mark,’’ Mr. Bryan told the diners. “A part of my defense is that probably 1 did not run fast enough to qualify in the class of which he speaks. And, then, I might say that I was forced to run for public office. Iwas in the position of the young man who sat beside the stout, corpulent woman on the railroad train. The stout woman asked the young man to assist her in alighting from the train The Careless Grocer BLUNDERED AND GREAT GOOD CAME OF IT. A careless grocer left the wrong pack- age at a Michigan home one day and thereby brought a great blessing to the household. “Two years ago I wasa sufferer from stomach trouble, so acute that the effort to digest ordinary food gave me great pain, and brought on a condition of such extreme nervousness that I could not be left alone. I thought I should certainly become insane. I was so reduced in flesh that I was little better than a liv- ing skeleton. The doctors failed to give me relief and I despaired of recovery. “One day our groceryman left a pack- age of Grape-Nuts food by mistake, so I tried some for dinner. I was surprised to find that it satisfied my appetite and gave me no distress whatever. The next meal I ate of it again, and to be brief, I have lived for the past year al- most exclusively on Grape-Nuts. It has proved to be a most healthful and appe- tizing food, perfectly adapted to the re- quirements of my system. “Grape-Nuts is not only easily di- gested and assimilated, but I find that since I have been using it I am able to eat anything else my appetite fancies, without trouble from indigestion. The stomach trouble and nervousness have left me, I have regained my plumpness and my views of life are no longer de- spondent and gloomy. “Other members of my family, espe- cially my husband (whose old enemy, the ‘heart-burn,’ has been vanquished), have also derived great benefit from the use of Grape-Nuts food and we think no morning meal complete without it.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. “There’s a reason,’’ and it is ex- plained in the little book, ‘‘The Road to Wellville,”’ in packages, Ever read the above letter? A mew one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. at the next station, saying, by way of explanation, ‘I am so stout and corpu- lent that I have to alight from the train backward. The conductor each time thinks that I am trying to get on instead of off. I have gone three stations past my destination now, and I want to be sure to get off at the next.’’’ a There are plenty of Smiths in Con- gress. The House boasts of five and the Senate of four. Senator Hoke Smith, of Georgia, is probably one of the most famous Smiths in the United States; but he has no corner on the name. Not so long ago James J. Hill, sitting in his office in St. Paul, was told that Hoke Smith would call in a few minutes if it was agreeable to the railroad man. The request was made through Louis W. Hill, who thought best not to inquire what the distinguished visitor’s business might be. A short time later a messen- ger brought the card. “Show the Governor right in,’ was Mr. L. W. Hill’s order: ‘‘I’ll introduce him to father.’" In walked Hoke Smith, not of Geor- gia, but of Chicago. He was aman in his thirties. Mr. Hill, having never met Governor Smith, was somewhat mystified. “*May I ask whether you are the Gov- ernor of Georgia?” “‘No; I’m another Hoke Smith,’’ was the cheery reply, ‘looking for a job. I took this way to get myself before Mr. James J. Hill.” “If you can get by us so easily,” L. W. laughed, ‘‘I guess you can get by others.’" Smith not only was introduced to Mr. Hill, Sr., but he got the job. a Congressmen are not surprised at the lack of attention they sometimes receive when first coming to Washington. In fact, they expect it. Therefore, when Representative Cullop arrived from Vin- cennes, Ind., at the beginning of his congressional service, he was surprised by the deference paid to him by waiters, messengers, and attendants of various descriptions. He was surprised and could not help remarking to himself, “Cullop, you seem to be cutting a good deal of ice for a new congressman!’’ But he soon found out the reason. He is a ‘‘dead ringer’’ for J. Pierpont Mor- gan. Speaking of the likeness, he said recently, “The other day I happened to meet former Senator Depew, of New York, in the Capitol corridor and we went into the Supreme Court chambers together. You ought to have seen the craning of necks and heard the whispered com- ments, ‘Look at J. Pierpont Morgan with Chauncey Depew!’ I went from there to the elevator in the Senate wing of the Capitol. The elevator man made a low salaam. ‘Do you wish to get off at the gallery floor?’ he inquired, kow-tow- ing nearly to the ground. ***No; I want to go to the document room,’ I’ answered. It was a poser to (Continued on following page.) Every lover of a good cocktail should insist that Abbott's Bitters be used in making it: insures your getting the very best. C. W. 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