Judge — February 10, 1912 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Father's Definition. 66) JOW that you have seen the error of your ways,’’ said the young man’s father, ‘‘I hope that you will decide upon a new course.’” “Oh, yes, I've made up my mind to do that.’ “Well, what do you propose to do first?’’ “I thought I might make a good be- ginning by getting you to let me have about a hundred dollars.’’ “That isn’t a beginning. limit.’” It’s the Heredity. “I knew her father when he used to go about with his trousers held up by one suspender.’” “She must take after him, then.” “Why so?”” “At the opera, last night, she wore a gown that was held up by one strap, over her left shoulder.” Qualified. “The man I marry,”’ she said, making no effort to conceal the fact that she considered herself a patrician, ‘‘must have a family back of him.’’ “Oh, I can fulfill that requirement all right,’”’ he confidently replied. ‘‘I’ve gone away ahead of any of my rela- tives.”” New to Him. After he had tried for a moment to get his key inserted in the keyhole, he stepped back and leaned against the side of the vestibule. Then he scratched his head in perplexity and said, “It’sh shtrange! I never knew be- fore that we had one of theshe revolvin’ doorsh here.’’ “*Pretty close figurer?’’ “I should say so! She tried to get trading stamps with her Red Cross seals.’” A Bit of Batty Bot THE CHERRY. ‘THE CHERRY is a very decent little fruit, said to have evoluted from the prune—something that it was per- fectly justified in doing. A Roman named Lucullus discovered the cherry when it was not doing very well, and introduced it into Europe, where it im- mediately bucked up and became re- spectable. One branch of the cherry family insists on being wild and has a penchant (pronounced pawn chaw) for Manhattan cocktails. You can sober up a Manhattan cherry by hanging it in the sun and letting it dry for a few weeks. After this treatment it should be fed to the chickens, as the children will not care for it. Those who contemplate propagating cherries in window boxes should choose a deep, light, loamy soil and a southern exposure. After the tree has been planted for a year, cut back each branch to about one foot in length. Encourage surface rootings by top dressings, preferably French or mayonnaise. If the cherries prove to be choke cherries, you should drive the tree back into the window box with a large wooden mallet and speak harshly to the florist who sold you the bulbs. Never attack your cherry tree with a hatchet, as this act would result in your being accused of plagiarism. When the tree gets one hundred feet high, it should be By CARLETON G. GARRETSON. removed from the window box, as it will obstruct the view of the families up- stairs and perhaps cause them to criti- cise you to the janitor. Candied cher- ries are fashionable confections appre- ciated only by the manufacturers. The cherry is best when perfectly raw. When done up in a pie, both the pie and Tom and Puss. Dorothy was the sister and Freddie was the brother, but the order should have been reversed to have satisfied the characters of the two children, for Dor- othy was a scream, while Freddie was only a whisper. “Gracious, Dorothy!’’ exclaimed a visitor, after one of her audacious ath- letic stunts. ‘‘You ought to be a boy!”’ “Lam boy,” she replied proudly; “a regular tomboy! Mamma says 80.” “But Freddie is the boy of the fam- ily.’” “Well,” she sniffed in scorn, ‘‘if he is, he’s only a pussy boy.’’ — William J. Lampton. The Reason. On Nineteen Eleven we look with regret, For Nineteen Twelve’s but a youngster yet. Every-day Buy Words. “*What is it worth?’’ any. the cherry are ruined. Maraschino cherries are of foreign extraction and are interchangeable at par with gold nuggets, eggs, and other valuable curi- osities. The class should now be able to tell a cherry, both anywhere and any- thing. Bibliography, any good unex- purgated life of Washington. The following sonnetine may be used with telling effect as a toast in the early stages of a banquct. You have the permission of the author to state that you composed it yourself. In fact, the author dares you to so state. Oh, cherry, in my cocktail deep im- mersed, I'd hate to be as pickled as thou art! I fear my power of speaking. would depart. And I'd appear, forsooth, quite at my worst. But, cherry, as I look at thee, I think How thou hast done a kindly turn to me— Thou takest space that otherwise would be Booze-filled, thus tempering my drink. They tell me thou art going out of style, That folks of late prefer their cock- tails dry And cherryless. choose, but I Will still prefer thee swimming in my “smile.” Oh, cherry, though thou hast a stony heart, I'm very prone to take thee as thou art. Let them thus comicbooks.com