Judge, 1912-02-03 · page 6 of 23
Judge — February 3, 1912 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from **Judge** (an American satirical magazine) contains several brief humor pieces and illustrations typical of early-20th-century society satire: **"Too Much Handling"** mocks grocery store advertising language—the joke being that a grocer's sign reading "We Handle Good Butter" inadvertently suggests he's been touching the product excessively, deterring the customer. **"Cost of Living"** is absurdist commentary on rising milk prices, joking that a Dover cliff collapse creating a "natural" milk shortage paradoxically lowered London prices. **"The Escalator"** illustration shows a long queue of people ascending, likely satirizing crowded urban conditions or consumerism. **"A Lost-lover Valentine"** parodies a heartbroken woman's lament, apparently referencing **William Jennings Bryan** (the politician), though the exact satirical point remains unclear without publication date context. The page also includes miscellaneous short humor items and a "Twenty Greatest Books" list pairing concepts humorously (e.g., "Bank book and cook book—dough books").
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Too Much Handling. By GRACE McKINSTRY “ HO is your grocer?”’ I Mrs. Woods. “‘My grocer keeps such a fine class of goods, And such a worthy, polite man is he, You'd enjoy trading there."’ ‘‘Oh, no!"” said she. “*Your grocer isn’t real tidy and clean.’" “Cried I, offended, ‘‘Why, what do you mean?" “One day,’’ she answered, ‘I read, in his store, ‘We Handle Good Butter’—and went there no more!’’ asked Cost of Living. A large section of the famous chalk cliffs of Dover has broken off and slid into the sea, It is reported that the Amalgamated Milkmen’s Association of London has run a pipe line to the adja- cent shore and milk prices in London have fallen wonderfully. Strange, the means which Nature herself may take to reduce the cost of living! A Good Memory. “And this is little Emily,’ said the proud father, introducing his nine-year- old daughter to Senator Mental Power, who had been away from his home town for ten “Oh, yes, indeed, “T remember little Emily very well.” ars. said the Senator. THE ESCALATOR. Good Description. “How times have changed!"’ says the beauteous young thing. ‘A valentine used to be a very pretty pink and white creation, hidden in lace, with a little Cupid somewhere.”” “Why, that’s why I want you for my valentine!"’ avows the earnest youth, “That describes you exactly."’ To Succeed. Lives of great men oft remind us We need lots of push behind us. A PHILADELPHIA SPRING CHICKEN Twenty Greatest Books Done In Pairs. Compiled by WILLIAM J. BURTSCHER. Diary and almanac—day books. Bible and psychology—text books. Speller and dictionary—word books. Bank book and cook book—dough books. Pocket book and Mother Goose—jin- gle books. Check book and hotel register—signa- ture books. Dream book and book of verse—vision- ary books. Telephone book and arithmetic—num- ber books. Oration book books of addresses. Book in which men turn over a new leaf and the great American novel—joke books. A Lost-lover Valentine. Columbia weeps! Aye! even I! I weep, alas! the biter bitten! Perchance I’ve been too hard, too cold, Too lavish with my icy mitten! I turned him down, my suitor brave, And ever more I’m sighin’, sighin’, Has anybody seen the man? Where is my long-lost lover Bryan! — Charles Irvin Sundin. EEEEEEEEEEC. What State is the above caption the name of? and city directory— comicbooks.com