Judge, 1912-01-27 · page 8 of 24
Judge — January 27, 1912 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine piece satirizes Christopher Columbus through domestic comedy, presenting him as an irresponsible wanderer and philanderer rather than a heroic explorer. The text humorously reframes his voyages as excuses to escape his wife—he claimed he was going to China but "accidentally" discovered America instead by tripping over continents. The satire peaks when Mrs. Columbus discovers a photograph of "a dark-red brunette" in his vest pocket. When Columbus unconvincingly names her "Cush-cush-to-wagly-bugh" (seemingly a Native American name), his wife responds sharply and becomes a women's suffrage activist in the New World. The joke conflates historical exploration with marital infidelity, suggesting Columbus's "discovery" was as dubious as his excuses. The ending—where Mrs. Columbus organizes the suffrage movement and Columbus returns to Spain "in chains"—transforms the explorer's legacy into a cautionary tale about ignoring women's grievances. The cartoon above illustrates the joke's opening about urban poverty masquerading as "living."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE COST OF (ALMOST) LIVING. Stranger—* Poor fellow! Why are they taking him off? Native—"' Taking nothing! That's a citizen with his week's groceries being seen home by an armed escort."" them as a compliment to the tourists. But little Christophorus, as he was sometimes called, did not have this ad- vantage. He was obliged to set out seeking America when he did not know there was such a place and did not know he was seeking it. That he found it at all under such circumstances shows he was no common person. How many of us who pride ourselves on our wisdom and sagacity far more than Cristofore (as he was sometimes called) ever did are unable to find even a small, brass collar button when we know exactly where it fell! We should think of this. Christophe, as he was sometimes called, was a married man when he dis- covered America, but we have no reason for believing that was why he discovered it, Excellent as his education had been, he had never heard of Reno. And yet, who in Reno has not heard of Columbus? It pays to get your name in the papers. Chris was not, on the whole, what one would call a good, home-loving, family man. He never complained of the food, but soon after he was married he began to stay away from home nights, wander. ing along the coast of Africa with some Portuguese companions or hiking off to Iceland with a stag party. It was “anything to get away from home’’ with Chris, so far as I can see; and as soon as he heard that China was farther from his peaceful fireside than any other place, he kissed his wife good-night and told her not to wait up for him, and set out for China. That is what he told her hewas going to do, anyway; but he never turned up in China at all, When Mrs. Columbus telephoned there, they answered that they had not seen him, but if he dropped in they would tell him he was wanted at home. And the next that was heard of Chris, he was in America. Nobody could place any reliance in him at all. His excuse, when he reached home and his wife let him know she was very well aware he had not gone to China at all, was pretty thin. He had the effrontery to tell her that he had actually started for China and meant to get there, but that, when he was making a straight course for Hongkong, some one pushed two big continents in front of him and he just naturally tripped over them, You may be sure that the next trip Chris took his wife went with him, “T'll see about this America!" she said; and, in spite of all his pleadings that it was no place for a lady, she went. ‘‘That’s too thin, Chris!’’ she said. ‘'I want to know why you came home with a photograph of a dark-red brunette in your inside vest pocket. No man I ever heard of ever carried anything in the inside pocket of his vest unless he wished to conceal I want to see your Dolly."". Then Chris made the error of his life. ‘*Her name isn’t Dolly,’’ he said. t's Cush-cush-to-wagly-bugh.’” “Very well, Christopher,’’ said Mrs. Colon, in a cutting tone, as she slammed her bedroom slippers into her suit-case ; ‘tall Cush-cush-to-wagly-bughs look alike to me!"" Chris was not, perhaps, wholly free from blame, and it is such actions as this that drive women into the suffra- gette fold. As soon as she landed in America, Mrs. Colomb organized the Woman's Suffrage League of Guanahani. I hate to cast suspicion on Mrs. Colom- bo, but it was soon after Chris had a few sharp words with her that he was toted back to Spain in chains, and Mrs. C. remained in full charge of the gov- ernment. Do not hasten trouble; it arrives on time. “IN DAYS OF OLD.’ “ T wouldn't want to pat on them things." “Sure, when you ‘re fightin’ mad ye don't care what ye wear.” comicbooks.com