Judge — January 13, 1912 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Primary Lessons in Geography. CARLETON G. GARRETSON, Instructor. CHICAGO. They were first discovered by a brave Jungle."’ Here a cow or pig enters at OOK on your maps, children, for the explorer, who published an advertising one door in a perfectly healthy state, growing village of Chicago, There tract on them, which he called ‘The let us say, and much against his will, and it is, between the equator and the North Pole, two and one-half inches to the leftof New York. Itis the last stop of the Twentieth Century Limited, westward bound. Some Erie trains are also scheduled to arrive there, and occasionally do so. The place first became famous forty years ago, when it burned up like Sod- om and Gomorrah, because it was so wicked. (Ask your mammas to tell you about those ancient cities.) Itis now a very good city—so good that many trust mag- nates are willing to reside there and try to make both ends meet. Chicago has gotten into the newspapers occasionally of late, on ac- count of its baseball team, AMBIGUOUS. “Yes, dear, I think they resemble their father more than they do you. Such preity children, aren't they ?”” MATRIMONIAL MATHEMATICS. which descended from a generation of skillful anarchistic bomb throwers. The city is bounded on the north by million- aires and building restrictions, on the west by stockyards and pungent breez- es, on the east by grain elevators and walking delegates, on the south by a $35,000,000 drainage canal completely surrounded by taxation, overhead by high winds, and underneath by subways in which only freight is transported. New York subway traffic managers would do well to visit the Chicago sub- ways and see how tightly the freight is piled into the vehicles. They might then be able to increase the capacity of their own rolling stock without decreas- ing the dividends. The Chicago stock- yards are the city’s strongest feature. we'll play you're my husband quarrel, and I'll get a divorce and marry the ‘A\ Tk PLAYING GROWN-UPS “ Well, Fido, let 's play you are a man, and then cat." Then we ‘ll exits from many doors thir- ty seconds later in the form of steak, chops, ham, shoes, lard, fertilizer, glue, soap, candles, butterine, canned soup, and other delicacies. His experience greatly in- creases his value, but com- pletely spoils him from the standpoint of the artist. According to vital statis- tics, the undertaker and the stork break about even in Chicago. The population, therefore, is increased by visitors who lose their re- turn tickets and spend all their money, and by tourists whose trains are wrecked there. Chicago is in a pro- lifie belt, and pinks, pink whiskers, and other tropi- cal fruits grow well the (When you get home, chil- dren, refer in your ‘‘Who’s Who"’ to Jim Ham Lewis.) Feminine pedalextrem are also said to assume alarming propor- tions, owing to the crowded condition of the business section, which necessitates the use of each pair by more than one person. Chicago will remain where it is until the Supreme Court puts an end to the trust system, after which it will be plowed over and planted to wild onions, the vegetable from which the city takes its name. None of you need worry, chil- dren, even though you may own real es- tate in Chicago, as probably no plowing contracts will be given for some cen- turies tocome. This will be all about Chicago. Night owls sometimes become jail birds