Judge — December 30, 1911 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

When you pay less for tobacco you get less, Philip Morris _Englsh Mixtare wi Cat Plog 00 the pound ia 2Se, S0e and $1.00 you smoke quantity or quality? th @ vy feere iv If your desler does not stock these to- baccos send us his name and address with 2Se for trial 22. tin of either brand. Philip Morris & Co.,Ltd. 402 W. Broadway! New York wou zSTAMMER 4 no schoo! till you Bear, from Steet imine v1 ing the advanced sacral ( YAULEY one taney roar mor stea for examinationaltcva ine vince ere for saomnation altos swat VALLEY GoM Commonwealth Hotel (INC.) Opposite State House Offers rooms with hot and cold water for $1.00 per day ‘and up which includes free use of public shower baths. Nothing to Equal this in New England Rooms with pri and up; suites of two room: h ad Dining Room and Cafe First-Class. European Plan. Absolutely Fireproot i floors. pothiag wood but the doors. af Banged with its own Sanitary Vacuum Cleaning Plant Long Distance Telephone in Every Room. \ Strictly a Temperance Hotel i SEND FOR BOOKLET. STORER F. CRAFTS, Gen. Mgr. Living the Skimpy Life. Oh, have you never flatted? And did you never train A family of four or five In rooms too small for twain? You sleep in console folding beds. They’re built into the wall, And when you let them down at night, You undress in the hall! You dine upon a table That, when you change its gear, Flies up and hides the dishes— ’Tis then a chiffonier! Your mechanical piano, When turned upon its face, Becomes a billiard table— Two luxuries, one space! And when you press a button, Your kitchen range is seen To turn a double somersault Into a wash machine! The bath, when not on duty, Becomes, when you find out The secrets of its innards, A nifty ‘‘runabout’’! Your furniture and pictures All lead a double life; There’s nothing simple in your flat Except you and your wife! Economy's the watchword, To save space the inten! And everything is ‘‘double’”’ Except the triple rent! —Chicago News. Cheering Him Up.—‘‘Just before his departure for Spain,’’ said the magazine editor, ‘‘I dined with Mr. Howells in his Half Moon Street apartment, in London. A popular novelist called after dinner. He told us all about his phenomenal sales. Then—fishing for compliments, you know—he sighed and said, ‘I grow richer and richer; but, all the same, I think my work is falling off. My new work is not so good as my old.’ “**Oh, nonsense!’ said Mr. Howells. ‘You write just as well as you ever my boy. Your taste is improving. That is val? ""—Christian Register. No Choice.—Hubert Latham, the An- toinette flyer, was talking at a tea toa pretty California girl. “Mr. Latham,’’ said the girl, as she took her nineteenth walnut-and-lettuce sandwich, “tell me, does flying require any particular application?’ “Well, no, none in particular,’ Mr. Latham answered ‘‘Arnica or horse liniment—one’s as good as another.’’— San Francisco Chronicle. An Eye Insurance Policy at Your Drug- gist’s. Murine Eye Remedy Insures—Eye Health = EveComfort—Eye Beauty. ‘Try Murine In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. A Remarkable Animal. An old lady was going over the z00, and after some time she went up toa keeper and tapped him on the shoulder with her umbrella. ‘Well, mum?”’ said the keeper. “1 want to ask you,” explained the old lady, ‘‘which of the animals in the zoo you consider the most remarkable.’’ The keeper scratched his head for a while; then— “Well, mum,’’ he replied, ‘‘arter careful consideration, as you might say, I've come to the conclusion as the bis- cuit goes to the laughing hyena.”” “Indeed !’’ said the old lady, in sur- prise. ‘‘And why do you consider the laughing hyena so remarkable?” “*Well, mum,"’ answered the zoological expert, ‘the only has a sleep once a week, he only has a meal once a month, and he only has a drink once a year. So what he’s got to laugh about is a bloomin’ mystery to me!"’—George Robey's Jokes, Jibes, and Jingles. Sandy's Politeness.—Mr. MacTavish attended a christening where the hospi- tality of the host knew no bounds except the several capacities of the guests. In the midst of the celebration Mr. Mac- Tavish rose up and made the rounds of the company, bidding each a profound farewell ut, Sandy, mon, " objected the host, *tye’re not goin’ yet, with the evenin’ just started?”’ ‘‘Nay,’’ said the prudent MacTavish; “I’m no’ goin’ yet. But I’m tellin’ ye good-night while I know ye."’—Satur- day Evening Post. A Parting Injunction. “Yes, madam."" “Is my new gown all ready?"" “Yes, madam.”” “Have you arranged my wraps?” “Yes, madam." “Are my puffs all curled?’ “I’m just finishing them.’’ “Well, do hurry, Marie; Marie’’—— “Yes, madam." “Don't fall asleep at the switch!""— Youngstown Telegram. —'*Marie!"’ and, Smart Infant.—‘‘Mother, turn the hose on me,” said little Willie, as his mamma was dressing him in the morning. “Willie, what do you mean?” cried his alarmed and loving parent. You've put my stockings on the wrong side out,” he said.—London Telegraph. Musical Appreciati: Josh fond of music’ “I should say so!’’ replied Farmer Corntossel. ‘‘When one o’ these here musical comedies comes along, Josh wants to be right up as close to the or- chestra as possible.’’— Washington Star. “Is your boy comicbooks.com