Judge — December 30, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

= porter and— Another thing about this car is that it is the last car of the train, and there’s probably four or five between it and the diner, and it always makes me dizzy to walk even the length of one car when the train is in motion. Why didn’t you have them put up acot out on the rear platform of the car for me and be done with it? I'd about as soon run on behind the train as have the last sec- tion at the rear end of the last car and— The train’s starting! Hurry off! The next time, James, that I put myself out to pay you a visit, I hope that— Good- by! Don’t kiss me on the nose! I'd as soon be kissed on the back of my neck! I must say, James, that you— Good- by! Well, I don’t expect to have a pleasant ride, sitting here reeking in tobacco smoke and bumped up and down and in terror of a rear-end collision and three miles from the diner and— Good- by! The next time I want a berth, I'l— _Good-by!"" The Winning Way. If you would win what you have in view, As the world’s great victors have won, Don’t always do what you want to de, But do what you want to have done. The good resolutions made at New Year’s make many miles of paving. MISTAKEN IDENTITY. Youth (reading bill of fare) —‘* Is this spring chicken fresh ?"" Waiter (looking at gitl)—"' I couldn't say, sir Uncle Doodie’s Own Corner. By CAROLYN WELLS Friend Cecylle—I’m glad you wrote to ask my advice, for I know of just the loveliest gift for your fiancee that costs almost nothing. First, you make a bag of cheesecloth, about medium size—or, CLARA os ckenow ** Want to buy a parrot, lady ?"* “* Does he swear ?"" WORTH THE EXTRA MONEY. “This one don’t, lady; but I 've got one aboard the ship as is a wonder— and only a dollar more!"’ 1 have never seen her in this restaurant before." if you prefer, you can crochet a bag. (A very inexpensive way to do this is to crochet it of bits of string that have come round bundles. The finer the string, the better.) If you crochet it, the rule is: Purl three, narrow four, slip, widen, bind. Repeat four times, and back again. But if you make the cheesecloth bag, you may decorate it by working on it the lady's initials or an appropriate motto. Now for the secret of the bag, and it is really a clever one. You are to fill this bag with cedar chips which you have saved from sharpening your lead pencils! Of course you should have be- gun several years ago to save your chips —that is, unless you use a good many pencils, What is this for, you ask, Friend Cecylle. Why, it is a bag for the lady to put among her furs as a preventive of moths! Are you not de- lighted?—for, you know, there is noth- ing like cedar chips to keep moths out. A pleasing motto to work on the bag would be, ‘‘What Is Home without a Moth Bag?"’ If my instructions are not clear, Friend Cecylle, do write me again. “What is the matter with Jones? He used to be a modest sort of fellow, but lately he seems almost bursting with self-importance."” “‘Haven’t you heard? Mrs. Jones is suing another woman for alienating his affections, and puts the damages at fifty thousand dollars,’” comicbooks.com