Judge — December 23, 1911 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Santa Claus Bugle Edited by John Bendrick Kangs Vol. I. Clausville, December 25, 1911. No. 1. Society Notes. Colonel Claus left Clausville late last evening in his new 1912 Reindeermobile, tor his regular annual tour of the earth. Owing to the fact that the Claus cook left the family without notice and very suddenly on Tuesday last, Mrs. Claus was unable to accompany him. a Miss Kriss-Kringle, of Clausville Cor- ners, gave a gumdrop party on Thursday evening to a number of her school friends back for the holidays. It was a very recherche affair and lasted until the wee, sma’ hours of the morning. A specially prepared gumdrop, warranted to last fifteen hours, was presented to each guest as a souvenir of a delightful occasion. a Mr. Monkey-on-a-Stick, the famous athlete, accompanied by Major Zinc, of the Yuletide Tin Militia, have gone with Colonel Claus as guests on his annual tour of the Nursery Country. Their genial presence will be much missed hereabouts, where they have been ac- knowledged leaders in all the social gayeties of the season. . a Mr. and Mrs. Woodenhead Noah were host and hostess at a reception in honor of their sons, Shem, Ham, and Japhet, at Arkville Park, on Wednesday even- ing. The cotillion, Inte in the evening, was led by that inimitable dancer, Kangar Roo, and his fair partner, Miss Ellie Phant. The favors were very hand- some, consisting of umbrellas, raincoats, and little reproductions of the Ark in miniature. a The annual ball of the Daughters of the Yuletide will be held in the grand salon of the Ice Palace, on Holiday Square, on New Year's Eve. Colonel Claus, who expects to return from his tour not later than to-morrow evening, has promised to be present. The ball bids fair to be the most brilliant event of an already brilliant season. a To-morrow afternoon, upon the return of Colonel Claus from his trip, he and Mrs, Claus will give their annual Yule- | tide reception to the operatives in the Claus Gift Manufacturing Company, at which the colonel will deliver his cus- tomary address to the hands, after which the profit-sharing checks based upon the earnings of the year will be distributed. We understand, in confidence, that at the same time a loving cup made of solid sugar will be presented to the colonel as a token of the high esteem in which he is held by his grateful employes. a Hop o’ My Thumb, who have been pass- ing the past three months in Clausville, writing their memoirs for the Yule Pub- lishing Company, left town last night, to return to their homes in Fairyland for the Christmas season. They have been very popular in Clausville society, Hop o’ My Thumb particularly having been in demand as an after-dinner speaker of rare quality. a Society has been much excited during the past week by the rumored failure of the mistletoe crop, but the thoughtful act of the administration in ordering that any sprig of green hung in the right place will carry with it all the usual mistletoe privileges has done much to allay the fears of the younger set that some of the cherished customs of the season would have to be abandoned. a te Latest News from Earthland. ‘The report that the custom-house offi- cials have received special orders to in- spect the luggage of the agents of Santa Claus upon their arrival at American is officially denied by the Treasury De- partment. a A telegram received from Washington last night announces that three thousand six hundred and fifty-seven sacks of mail, weighing forty-nine tons, ad- dressed to Santa Claus, are being held there for the colonel’s arrival. The President will place sixty-seven regi- ments of the regular army at Colonel Claus’s disposal, to enable him to cope with such an enormous correspondence. a Over three thousand bogus Santa Jack the Giant Killer and his cousin, | ports, in search of contraband articles, | Clauses have arrived in various Ameri- can cities. They may be detected by the fact that in almost every case they wear cotton whiskers instead of beards made of real hair, and are abdominally ! spurious, an effect of obesity having been obtained by means of pillows, sofa cushions, and bolsters concealed beneath the belt. A punch in the stomach will speedily reveal to the public whether or not they are the real thing. a Much excitement has been caused in Chicago by the rumor that Santa Claus, owing to the absence of snow in that city, will arrive there in a Wright bi- plane, accompanied by a capable marks- man, who will drop the gifts designed for the youthful beneficiaries directly into the chimney-tops from a height of three thousand feet. a The subscribers to that usually care- ful organ of illustrated public opinion, the New York Daily Blast, are having a great deal of fun at the expense of the editorial staff for having printed in its issue of last Thursday a portrait of Mr. | Andrew Carnegie as the latest author- ized photograph of Santa Claus. On their behalf it must be said that the error is not unnatural, owing to the ex- traordinary physiognomical resemblance of the two philanthropists. A recent dispatch from the North Pole brings the extraordinary statement that asock bearing the laundry mark, ‘‘Cook, Brooklyn,’”” has been found tacked to the southern exposure of the Pole itself. Just how this will affect the recent con- troversy remains to be seen. "BARGAIN COLUMN. WILL EXCHANGE a thirty-horse-power run- the chbzat in goad condition, and a complete set of Congressional rd from 1901 to date for enough ready money to pay off a mortgage incurred to pay expenses of the former for six months. Asa special inducement to parties interested, will also throw in five umbrelias and seven gold-mounted ebony walkingsticks received last Christmas, and good as new, none of them having been used. Apply Berore January first to Distress, The Down and Out ‘Trust Company, New York City. ACLERGYMAN living in the suburbs of Phila- delphia begs to announce that he will be glad to exchange thirty-eight pairs of red worsted slippers of various sizes and shapes for one good sized roast turkey, three pounds of cranberries, anda mince pie suitable for a family of seven, all blest with good appetites. Apply at once to Rev. James X, Lock Box 8916, Wissahickon P.O. comicbooks.com