Judge, 1911-12-23 · page 13 of 24
Judge — December 23, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces mocking wealthy pretension and social hardship. **"Long Drawn Out"** depicts two men discussing a third—an ostentatiously wealthy figure with a monocle bearing a hyphenated name (satirizing upper-class affectation). The wealthy character complains about his Christmas: lacking luxuries, receiving only a luxury car and diamond cufflinks "so late" they didn't feel festive. His tutor listens as he whines about modest home fare. The satire targets the entitled rich disconnected from actual deprivation—he considers a torpedo roadster a mere "trifle." **"A Hardy Perennial"** is a brief poem about Jack Frost and winter romance. **"Book Reviewer Was Broke"** jokes that a reviewer's most honest criticism was of his own empty pocketbook. **"Touching Suggestion"** shows a departing guest unable to tip; the waiter sarcastically suggests a "beneficial" walk, implying the guest needs exercise rather than money. These pieces collectively satirize class disparity and financial strain during what appears to be an economically difficult period.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LONG DRAWN OUT. “* What is the name of the swell with the monocle ?"” “*T can't remember it at the moment, but it 's one of those names like Jones-Jones with a hyphen and an echo."’ sympathized Tim, though it was evident his eyes twinkled. “And then that awful Christmas din- ner, which I had to eat for politeness’ sake. No shellfish, soup, green salad, ice nor wine—nothing but turkey, cran- berry sauce, baked squash, and so forth; and pumpkin pie! Gad,’ shuddered William, ‘‘ we haven’t had a pie in the house since father cornered the wheat market.”’ “Poor guy,” said Tim, wiping his waterin mouth, ‘‘yuh must ’a’ felt like a cat bein’ choked t’ deat’ wit’ cream. Didn’t yer home folks give yer nuttin?” “Oh, yes,’’ answered the ill-used rich- ling, as spied his tutor coming. ‘“When I returned home I found there the six- ninety torpedo body roadster, diamond sleeve links, and a few other trifles I wanted. But getting them so late, somehow it didn’t seem like Christmas."’ A Hardy Perennial. ACK FROST may be Cupid’s discloser, Warm-hearted in spite of his snow, And the kiss that in June is sub rosa, In December is sub mistletoe. Katharine Perry. Gag Book Reviewer Was “ Broke.” “Do you recall what book had the least in it of any you ever reviewed?"’ “(My pocketbook. Haven’t got a dol- lar with you, have you, old man?’’ Touching Suggestion. Departing guest—‘‘I'd gladly give you a tip, waiter, but I find I’ve only cab- fare left."” Waiter (benignly)—‘Ah, sir, you don’t appreciate the beneficial effect of a good, after-dinner walk!’ comicbooks.com