Judge — December 16, 1911 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The June Groom Tackles His First Christmas. Just as Mamie and I were beginning to drive the matrimonial car without skidding, along comes Christmas. Now I’m for Christmas, first, last and all the time. It’s the season of good cheer, and would be still if Mamie wasn’t so unreasonable at times. **We'll spend Christmas Day with my folks,'’ said she. “Not all day,”’ said I. ‘I want to be with my people part of the time.” Then the horses were off. A proposition to spend Christmas morning with her people and the afternoon and evening with my people was rejected scornfully. The reverse of the plan was likewise tossed aside as not worthy of consideration. **We've always made a good deal of Christmas,’’ said I, during one of the discussions. “*You haven’ made any more of it than we have,’’ Mamie retorted. “But, my dear—”’ “Don’t ‘but, my dear’ me. There’s no ‘but, my dear’ about it. I’ve accepted an invitation to spend the day at home, and we’re going to. ‘We can spend some other day with your people.” “Memorial Day or Fourth of July ?”’ I suggested sarcastically. I felt then that I had Mamie wavering, but before 1 could follow up my argument, she called me a ‘‘mean old thing,’’ and burst into tears. Now I can answer argument with argument; for every slap she takes at my side of the family I can give back a wallop at her side; I don’t think any more of her cousins than she thinks of mine; she’s got noth- ing on me when it comes to picking flaws with the table manners of family ties. But when she bursts into tears she gets my goat. When a discussion reaches the sob stage I can’t reply. Words fail me and I can’t sob back worth accent. Asa sigher and a sobber I am adismal failure. And when it comes to tear shedding I’m as dry as Justice Jeffries would have a high-toned hotel on Sunday. So I now write myself down as having lost the first Christmas argument. We shall —_————$ spend December 25 with her folks. It is useless now to wish me a merry Christmas.—Detroit Free Press. The Little Widow A MIGHTY GOOD SORT OF NEIGHBOR TO HAVE. No Need of It.--Re- cently John Kendrick Bangs was being shaved ““A little widow, a neighbor of mine, persuaded me to try Grape-Nuts when my stomach was so weak that it would not retain food of any other kind, "writes by a very talkative bar- a grateful woman, from San Bernardino ber and was forced to €o., Cal. listen to many of his an- “Thad been ill and confined to my ecdotes. bed with fever and nervous prostration The barber had to for three long months after the birth of strop his razor,and when my second boy. We were in despair he was ready, brush in until the little widow’s advice brought hand, to commence relief. again, he asked: “1 liked Grape-Nuts food from the be- “Shall I go over it ginning, and in an incredibly short time again?” it gave me such strength that I was able “No, thanks,’’ drawl- to leave my bed and enjoy my three good ed Mr. Bangs, ‘‘It’s meals aday. In two months my weight hardly necessary. think increased from 95 to 113 pounds, my I can remember every nerves had steadied down and I felt word.’” ready for anything. My neighbors were amazed to see me gain so rapidly, and still more so when they heard that Babes. —Uncle Jack, who Grape-Nuts alone had brought the was visiting them for change, the Christmas holidays “‘My 4-year-old boy had eczema very from the West, wished bad last spring and lost his appetite en- to talk to Elizabeth’s tirely, which made him cross and peev- father at his office. He ish. I put him on a diet of Grape-Nuts, could not find the tele- which he relished at once. He improved from the beginning, the eczema dis- appeared and now he is fat and rosy, with a delightfully soft, clear skin. The Grape-Nuts diet did it. I will willingly answer all inquiries.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Read the little book, ‘‘The Road to Wellville,”’ in pkgs. ‘‘There’s a reason.”” Out of the Mouth of mew one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true,and | phone directory and thus appealed to three- year-old Elizabeth for information regarding careworn than formerly.” the ‘phone number: “Elizabeth, what does mother ask for when she talks todaddy at his office?” he inquired. Elizabeth was wise for her days. | “Mfoney,”" she lisped.—Christian World. | | | Identification as a Science.-—‘‘Ah! I see Ever read the above letter? 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WATERMAN & COMPANY 43 Hamilton Building 22 Thames Street New York City I it ian't an “A, A." it ien't @ “MODERN.” ‘WHY, WILLIB, WHERE DID YOU GET ALL THAT MONEY 2” “WELL, MA, WHEN YOU SENT MB TO THE DENTIST THIS MORN- ING 1 CHARGED THE GANG TEN CENTS APIECE 10 SEE ME GET THE TOOTH PULLED.” Mental Relief.—‘‘ Your husband seems less “Yes; now that the baseball season is over, he hasn’t anything but his business to worry him."’—Washington Herald. “As you don’t seem to know what you'd like for Christmas, Freddy,’’ said his mother, “there's a printed list of presents for a good little boy.” Freddy read over the list, and then said, “‘Mother, haven't you alist for a bad little comicbooks.com