Judge — December 9, 1911 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

One Kind of Christmas Cheer. By WILLIAM J. LAMPTON. EAR little children of the poor, Now that the Yuletide’s here— Unless you know what Yuletide is, My meaning is not clear— However, be that as it may, Now that the Yuletide’s here, Come, listen to my cheery verse And take my kindly steer. Dear little children—you, I mean, Who are too poor to get A goldarned thing, except some tears With which your eyes to wet— Please wipe those foolish tears away, And laugh and shout and sing With joy, because you haven’t got A single Christmas thing. The little children of the rich Have swiped them all, and they Go moping round like little ghosts Of some lost Christmas Day; Because, you see, they’ve got so much They can’t want any more, While you can want and want and want, Because you are so poor. You know it isn’t having things That brings you happiness, Although, perhaps, not having them May cause you much distress. For if you had them all, oh, my! And there was nothing more For you to wish for, wouldn't that Be worse than being poor? So, brace up, little longing ones, And let old Santy hitch His reindeer up to hau! his things To children of the rich. They get it all, while you get none; But, children, do not fret! . You still can wish. The world is full Of things for you—to get! Slowness of Philadelphia. MENTION has been made in the daily papers of a prominent citizen of Philadelphia who did not know that the series of games for the world’s champion- ship was being played until after the third game. This ignorance is cited as an example of Philadelphia slowness. It is more of an example of Philadelphia shrewdness. Hope of success in the world’s series did not assert itself in the Quaker City until ‘after the third game had been played, and not until then was it worth while for Philadelphia to know anything about the games. As to slow- ness, the Philadelphia street railroad company ordered the steps of its cars lowered for the accommodation of those of its patrons who wear hobble skirts. There's nothing slow about this. In fact, Philadelphia is the first city that has taken measures to aid those who are bound by the decrees of Paris dress- makers not to use the knee muscles. A True Advertisement. By CAROLYN WELLS, Earnest Truepenny and Company Invite attention to their stock of Christ- mas Goods. Prices raised especially for the holi- day season! Old Goods represented as new! Special showing of shop-worn Novelties! We offer many splendid swindles for Rich Buyers, as all our wares are guar- anteed strictly as Misrepresented. Faked Antiques at Prices higher than real ones! Positively None Genuine! Come now!! Prices "Way Up! Great Reductions will be made after the Holidays. Gifts Specially Uusuitable for Men Smoking jackets marked up from $10 to $15. Slippers at double price. Choice selection of hideous neckties offered without regard to cost. Gifts Specially Inappropriate for Women Our 1906 Hats—-Sold at the price of this year’s models! Exceptionally poor values in Silk Stockings. The absurdly high prices of our Trashy Gimcracks tempt all Christmas Shoppers!! ART DEPARTMENT Hand-painted Atrocities, greatly above the usual Prices! At the Christmas Season nothing is so unacceptable as a Useful Gift! Try Our “Ready-To-Wear-Out"” Clothing! Tight fits for Stout People. Last Year's Styles Marked Up. Come early or late! You will finda stuffy atmosphere, crowded counters, and tired clerks! Honest as our Advertising is, you will find our goods even less desirable than we represent them! Boylike. Ma—*‘I must say I don’t like the Christmas presents Freddy got.”” Pa—‘‘Don't let that trouble you, my dear! Before the week is out he'll have traded them all off.’’ E Pluribus. Bs THINGS of many little things are made, Some very slight, less weighty than a feather. He wins the most who well hath learned the trade Of seizing them and welding them to- gether! John Kendrich Banes. Dunder und Blitzen. (Santa Class talks confdentially to bis reindeers.) By FP. PITZER. PREY say that I should kill you, Dunder; That you are out of date. They say my rig's behind the age, That you're a has-been skate, That I should do away with you, Because you're out of style And almost any aeroplane Can beat you by a mile. But when I think of losing you, It stings my heart, somehow. You've been a faithful deer to me, And I'll stand by you now. And, Blitzen, they say your days are run; You I should Oslerize. They say I must keep with the times And get a sleigh that flies. They say I have to give you up; But they'll ne’er see that day. No matter what your critics do, By me you're going to stay; For when they had no aeroplanes, I found you fast and true. So now if they will kill you, Blitz, They'll have to kill me, too. Yes, Dunder and Blitzen, we're going to stick, Just as we've stuck before, And when they do not want you two They won’t want me no more. When all those grumblers they were boys, Naught with you could compare, And you were not old-fashioned then As you skipped through the air. So I don’t care how much you kick, We'll live right on, you bet, So long as little boys and girls Are satisfied with us yet. “Ol Nutmeg’s” Christmas Sayings. Recorded by JOE CONE. PRESUNT in the stockin’ is wuth two in the store. A hole in the hosiery is all right ef it is a big one at the top. Children ain’t the on’y ones who are lookin’ fur plums shook off’n the Christ- mus tree. Too many Santy Clauses think thet their presence is sufficient without any other presunts. People who say they are glad Christ- mus comes but once a year are gen’ly the ones who give the least. Although Christmus doesn’t come but once a year, thet is no sign thet ol’ Santy Claus can't be on his job most uv the year round. It ain’t what you believe ez to whether they’s a Santy Claus or not, it’s what the little folks believe, an’ you are to be governed accordin’ly. Ef Santy Claus should perchance stumble over a cheer an’ git hurt, he is justified in sayin’ somethin’ strong, per- vidin’ he keeps it to himself.